Why We Are “Stupid”

WHY WE ARE “STUPID”

The other night, I was invited to fill in for a low-level co-ed recreational volleyball game. Though I am an athlete and the primary objective of most sports is to win, the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve found merit in the adage of focusing on “fun” as opposed to the victory or defeat of sports. So, in my estimation, a low-level co-ed recreational volleyball game had its appeal. What a poor estimation I had made. For the hour we were allotted the court, the opposing team did the exact same thing over and over. Hit, set, and spike. Not a bad strategy considering it is volleyball, but considering they continued to set the exact same guy who smashed the volleyball at admittedly impressive velocity (undefendable to 99% of the players in that league), it didn’t make for much “fun” at all (as a matter of fact, he drilled the ball into our player’s faces and bodies where they didn’t have a chance to react many times). By our third game, the routine had become quite old, and I stood there and thought: “how stupid this is. How could they be having any ‘fun’ at all?” I mean, the guy spiking it was probably having a ton of fun knowing we couldn’t do anything about it, and because of him, their “team” crushed us.

Not long after the volleyball game, my wife and I watched an episode of “Game of Thrones” (one of our favorite shows) and the following scene came up. Take a look (and I promise, there’s no spoilers in it if that’s of concern):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=997lGD65WNc

Orson the Beetle Crusher drew an uncanny parallel to the man with incredible spiking ability at the volleyball game. We were his metaphorical beetles, being crushed (not metaphorically) with every spike he sent over the net. And although there was clearly nothing we could do about it, he took delight in continuing to do it, just the same as Orson took delight in crushing the beetles in his garden. So my question is the same as Tyrion’s: “why?”

Of course, human beings generally ask ‘why’ when we don’t understand something. Now, I know that’s not ground-breaking information, you’re probably saying (or thinking)‘duh’ to that statement, but where it’s become all too popular (and unfortunately accepted) for people to rationalize things we don’t understand as “stupid” (e.g. ‘people are stupid’, ‘your boss is stupid’, ‘the world is stupid’, etc.), I’m not so quick to let it go. I tend to think that there’s something more of a design behind these types of behavior, even if those committing the behavior are consciously “stupid” to what they are doing, there’s something on an unconscious human level that is very intentional and opposite of “stupid” occurring.

Now, before I go on, it’s important to define “stupid” in the context of this blog and the situations being brought up (e.g. volleyball guy and Orson the Beetle Crusher). “Stupid” in regard to this blog should be read as: an act or behavior that one engages in which has no regard for the feelings or wellbeing of others that makes people ask “why?”.

I wish there was some sort of complex, philosophical answer to Tyrion’s question of “why?”, but there’s not. There’s a very simple one. The reason people do “stupid” things – things that hurt others or are done with no regard for the wellbeing or feelings of others – is: Because they can.

You see, whether perceived or real, the entire animal kingdom is ruled by the concept of power, and when one has power, even if their conscious brain knows better, their unconscious brain can’t help itself. Volleyball guy knew exactly what he was doing. His “team” knew exactly what they were doing. They knew it wasn’t any “fun” for the rest of us, but they couldn’t help themselves. They had the incredible power of someone who could spike the ball like Hercules on their side. And the stakes of a “victory” (e.g. the show of dominance) outweighed the desire of “fun” for all involved. Simply put, the animal kingdom is all about dominance, and human beings aren’t immune to this at all. As a matter-of-fact, human beings have embraced it in every culture one might examine. We even create (or fabricate) mechanisms (e.g. currency & status) that further enhance the need for dominance in society. It all comes down to power, and if one has power, it is an inevitable truth that at some point, the individual who has power won’t be able to help themselves in the right circumstance or scenario.

Think about it. At some point in life, 99% of the people on this planet will feel like they were wronged by a person in power (e.g. a boss, a teacher, their parent, etc.) – and most likely, they are right. Odds are, that boss or teacher or parent DID abuse their power (e.g. when you ask “why?”, have you ever heard the phrase “because I said so!”?). We live in a world of Orson the Beetle Crushers, who seek power (whether it be consciously or unconsciously) because deep down, they feel this is the only way to be relevant on our overcrowded earth. Dominance is the universal language in the animal kingdom, and people are desperate to gain dominance (or power) in whatever “communities” (e.g. workplace, home, recreational activity, etc.) they belong to. Unfortunately, the equation in our primitive animal brains is: level of dominance attained = level of importance recognized.

Now you might be thinking: ‘what a minute here! Not everybody abuses power. Some people genuinely try to do good things with the power (or dominance) they’ve attained.’ Perhaps, but there’s another important dichotomy here that needs to be recognized. Power creates two things: fear OR respect. Not both. One in a position of power may demand respect, and though it may be feigned by those being dominated, genuine respect will always be something that can never be gained from the use of fear. And yes, some gain power who don’t abuse it 99% of the time (again, I personally still believe that it is an inevitable truth that at some point, the individual who has power won’t be able to help themselves in the right circumstance or scenario) – these are the “cool” bosses or teachers or parents, but unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that those rare kind of power holders will eventually come across a “Beetle Crusher” that won’t care how “cool” they are, and they will be vanquished swiftly and ruthlessly. One of my many “life-isms”: Fear-based power always wins out. Orson the Beetle Crusher will always win out over Tyrion the Beetle Preserver. The “Orsons” of the world can’t help themselves. Regardless of who they hurt, they will continue to crush those they have dominance over because it gives their life a sense of purpose – no matter how perverted.

I know I used some silly examples like the volleyball guy and Orson the Beetle Crusher from “Game of Thrones”, but really, this is a real human problem, where real people around the globe suffer and die because of it. The same concept of power and animal-driven dominance can be seen in the behavior of child molesters, rapists, murderers, victims of domestic abuse, child abuse, governmental corruption, slavery, organized religion, and on and on.

Take a second and think about power and the role it has in your life. I’m not asking you to be perfect, but please, choose love instead of fear the next time you are in a position to impact someone around you with your behavior. Even if you are “rightfully” angry or hurt, it’s going to make you feel a lot better in the long-run if given the opportunity to let the “beetle” live instead of crushing it. Trust me.