“Poor Things” Grade: A+ (97%)*

As y’all know, I watch every film nominated for “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards every year, and wow…this movie was near perfection. I enjoyed “Barbie” (which is also nominated for “Best Picture” and I gave it an A- 90%), but “Poor Things” takes the spotlight of criticism on a patriarchal society while celebrating a woman’s journey to understanding and self-identity within said society to an entirely new and unprecedented level. It’s dark, funny, and a total masterpiece in terms of cinematography, costume design, make-up, directing, and acting by Emma Stone. Every shot, sequence, and scene in the movie is so carefully thought out and oozes with much deeper meaning for those who like to leave the movies in deep thought and reflecting on the greater existential questions in life and present in the world around us. I will admit, I can envision a TON of machismo men (the general stereotype that loved “Top Gun: Maverick”) not understanding (and consequently not liking) the film, but ultimately not hating it because they got to see Emma Stone naked…A LOT; which is ironic and oh so perfect considering what the deeper commentary on men in society within the film is (again, this HAD to be a very conscious choice for all involved with the making of the movie to enhance its meaning). We don’t get an “all-time” film every year out of the Academy Award nominations, but “Poor Things” is a slam dunk for one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Go check it out if you get the chance. It’s “Everything Everywhere All At Once”, “Frankenstein”, and “Barbie” all smashed together somehow.

“Scavenger’s Reign” (TV Series; Season 1) Grade: A (95%)

This sci-fi/fantasy animated show might legitimately be the “best” thing I’ve seen in the past year. Its got deep themes that are shown, not told, and its creativity is both literally and figuratively out of this world. If you enjoyed the series “Arcane”, “Scavenger’s Reign” belongs on that same level in almost every way. It’s only 12 episodes long (at 20-30 minutes per episode), so it’s easy to get through quick and leave you wanting more (as a matter of fact, I watched it twice all the way through in two weeks while winding down for bed). A true masterpiece.

“20 Days in Mariupol” Grade: A (95%)*

“Hogwarts Legacy” (Video Game) Grade: A (95%)

The Harry Potter universe is something that I’ve always enjoyed, though not one of my absolute favorite “Nerd Cultures” out there, it’s one that I’ve grown to love and appreciate for what it is (kind of like “Hunger Games”, “Doctor Who”, and “Star Trek”). This video game, however, is legitimately phenomenal, and I would even venture to say that it is the “best” piece of Harry Potter “Nerd Culture” that exists to date (“better” than the books, “better” than the movies, and yes, even “better” than the broadway production of “The Cursed Child” which was also phenomenal). It’s structured like “The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild” (which many regard as one of the best video games of all time; not me, but others) in that it gives you an open world of Hogwarts and all of the vast surrounding areas (like Hogsmeade, the Forbidden Forest, Hogsfield, and so much more) to explore however you wish (though I was partial to flying around on my broomstick). Where “Hogwarts Legacy” leaves similar RPG open-world games like “Breath of the Wild” in the dust is how much is packed into the game. The attention to detail is beyond incredible and the amount of side quests, magic-filled puzzles, and collectibles is downright astonishing. So why 95% instead of 100%? For all of the time and effort that the developers put into creating the most magnificently detailed Harry Potter universe experience for players, the main storyline is a bit dull. It’s not “bad”, but it’s not as compelling of a plot as it could have been. Still, it’s one of the most impressive video games that I’ve ever played and I’ll eagerly look forward to whatever DLC content that Portkey Games puts out in the future.

“The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom” (Video Game) Grade: A (94%)

If you loved “Breath of the Wild”, you will most assuredly go bonkers (in a good way) over TotK. Admittedly, I wasn’t the biggest fan of “Breath of the Wild”; it wasn’t a “bad” game by any means, it just wasn’t the “best video game of all time” like several of my gamer friends and acquaintances dubbed it. In terms of TotK, they basically took everything that was “wrong” with BotW and fixed it (except for weapons breaking…that’s still stupid af) and everything that was “good” about BotW and somehow made it even better. Just know, however, this is a game that you’ll easily sink more than a hundred hours into to get the full experience, so if you do NOT want a time commitment, you’ll want to look elsewhere. Otherwise, I encourage you to go ahead and enjoy this beautiful game.

“Past Lives” Grade: A- (91%)*

“Barbie” Grade: A- (90%)*

I’m somewhat at a loss for words here. Let’s start with the “feel” of the film. If you mixed “Deadpool” with “Trolls” and sprinkled in (quite literally) some Will Ferrell, you strangely get…Barbie? The movie is witty and quite clever in parts, and incredibly stupid in others, but overall, it works…really well…I guess. I love how uncomfortable the film makes patriarchal men feel (and rightfully so), but as a self-confident man who practices (as best I know how) and believes in the ideal of equality, I will say that the movie does veer off at times into what feels like unnecessary “man-hating”. Instead of ending in what seems to embrace an “eye for an eye” approach (e.g. Ha! That’s how you treated us (women) for so long, we are going to treat you just as poorly when we have the power), the film had an opportunity to embrace equality at the end to portray a better takeaway message, but passed it up, unfortunately. But aside from that, and Will Ferrell, it’s oddly a brilliant film. I can’t believe this is my first “A-list” movie of 2023, but here we are.

“Killers of the Flower Moon” Grade: A- (90%)*

A three-and-a-half hour movie that feels like five, with an incredibly slooooooow first hour and a half, but an amazing last two hours as a payoff. With some proper editing and cutting down of the first half of the movie, this could have been an all-time classic.

“Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” Grade: A- (90%)/ C (74%) (depending on if you know anything about Hunger Games or not)

If you’re a well-versed fan of the Hunger Games series, this is a phenomenal character biopic of Coriolanus Snow. If you don’t know much about the Hunger Games series, a lot of this film won’t make sense and you’ll be left with a “meh” action movie.

“The Bear” (TV Series; Season 2) Grade: B+ (89%)

While Season 1 of this series was a slam dunk ‘A’-list entry for me, Season 2 brings a new approach in the fact that each episode is focused on one particular character from the show while slowly moving along an overarching narrative that isn’t as compelling as the first installment. I really enjoyed the character-biopic approach, but wished the larger narrative was more interesting. It’s still a really good show that doesn’t disappoint if you enjoyed Season 1, and I’ll definitely be looking forward to watching Season 3 when it comes out. Really really solid show.

“The Creator” Grade: B+ (89%)

Director Gareth Edwards (“Star Wars: Rogue One”) delivers on another great science-fiction film, however, the plot suffers at times with a couple of major holes in storytelling.

“Bobi Wine: The People’s President” Grade: B+ (89%)*

“Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” Grade: B+ (88%)

I was fully prepared to mockingly call this the “Dial of Dogcrap” in my review before I saw it, but surprisingly…no, shockingly, the movie was actually…not bad. It’s easily the second-best Indy film in the franchise behind “The Last Crusade”, which is a complete 180 from the utter disaster that “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” was in the 2000s. Sure, this last depiction of Indiana Jones by Harrison Ford had a couple of irksome plot holes in it, but by and large, the film captures the charm and at times, the goofiness of the original Indy trilogy while telling an interesting (albeit “Macguffin”-centric) story. It’s got great action throughout, a refreshing John Williams soundtrack, and is a solid, classic, fun summer “popcorn” flick that you won’t hate yourself for spending $10 to go see.

“Anatomy of a Fall” Grade: B+ (87%)*

“Godzilla Minus One” Grade: B+ (87%)

I appreciate the deeper themes and metaphors (e.g. Godzilla representing the protagonist’s past) in the film, but it misses my A-list because it does a lot of “telling” instead of “showing” (a big storytelling no-no in my book). I will say, besides “Avengers: Infinity War”, this film was easily better than any other Marvel film ever made when comparing super monster/hero movies.

“No Hard Feelings” Grade: B+ (87%)

This is about as good as a romantic comedy can be these days in the politically correct world that we live in; long gone are the days of “Wedding Crashers”, “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”, and “There’s Something About Mary”. This movie had its share of laughs and chuckles, it tickles some of the “feels” for the ladies, and there’s a beach fight scene that most of the guys will enjoy. Perfect summer date night movie for you and your special someone.

“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse” Grade: B (86%)*

This is probably the “best” Spiderman film since the original that featured Tobey Maguire a little over 20 years ago. It’s an animated film, but not like a cartoon or what most people traditionally think of when they hear “animated”. The art style and animation is absolutely stunning, and I’m calling it now, if this film doesn’t win “Best Animated Feature Film” in February/March of 2024, the Academy screwed up. If you’ve seen the beautifully done Netflix series “Arcane”, this film somehow puts that art and animation work in the backseat. The story is a bit predictable at times, and the film is clearly made with a target audience of Gen Z (considering the mind-spinning amount of quick cuts in editing; keeps the attention span of the TikTok generation), but it’s a marvel (heh…see what I did there?) to watch from an artistic perspective.

“Maestro” Grade: B (85%)*

“Super Mario Bros. Wonder” (Video Game) Grade: B (85%)

The online comparisons to classics like “Super Mario Bros. 3” (NES) and “Super Mario World” (SNES) are utter nonsense, but this is a solid entry to the series that can be a lot of fun when playing with other people.

“Star Wars: The Mandalorian” (TV Series; Season 3) Grade: B (85%)

Aside from the nonsensical throwaway episode with Jack Black in it, the presence of too many large monsters/alien beasts, and Grogu inexplicably warping between episodes 7 and 8, the latest foray into The Mandalorian mostly lived up to expectations. Moff Gideon is a formidable antagonist, though he only appears late in the season which is unfortunate. The plot isn’t super compelling, but if you’re one who enjoys an authentic Star Wars look, feel, and experience, season 3 won’t disappoint.

“Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3” Grade: B (84%)

The original installment of this trilogy really set the bar high as it was easily one of the best Marvel films created, while the second installment was a complete disaster. This third (and perhaps last?) installment is a major step in the right direction and much more in line with the first Guardians film. The flashback story of Rocket is particularly compelling and the film recaptures the humor and imagination of the original. The plot, however, is just like almost every other Marvel film though, with a HEAVY reliance on McGuffins (e.g. a device or object that serves merely to trigger the plot). If you enjoyed the original Guardians, this is worth checking out.

“Ferrari” Grade: B- (83%)

This biopic of Enzi Ferrari can be a bit convoluted and confusing at times (especially during the racing scenes when you don’t really know which racers are Ferrari, and which racers are opponents since the cars are seemingly all red), but I could see Penelope Cruz getting a Best Supporting Actress nomination for the incredible work she did in this film, and Adam Driver does an excellent job as well, but the actual narrative falls a bit flat sometimes. Still a decent watch though if you see it on a streaming service in the future that you are already paying for.

“The Holdovers” Grade: B- (83%)*

I could easily see Paul Giamatti being nominated for ‘Best Actor’ in the upcoming Academy Awards for this film. The story would bore most if I’m being honest, as it’s a somewhat slow-moving emotional drama, but I’m not a hater of that genre.

“Air” Grade: B- (82%)

The story of how Nike convinced Michael Jordan to sign with their sneaker company back in the 1980s is a pretty decent film; and a good watch if you have an Amazon Prime account and can stream it at no additional cost. It had some neat nostalgic montages near the beginning of the film that I wish they would have kept throughout (whenever they needed to transition between scenes), and Matt Damon turns in yet another good acting performance. Although you know how the story will ultimately turn out in the end, the film still succeeds at building some drama. Chris Tucker’s performance was a bit over the top though, a clearly poor choice in casting…I mean, what did they think they were going to get out of Chris Tucker? He pretty much plays one caricature in everything he’s been in. Decent watch though if you just want to stay in and stream a movie.

“Oppenheimer” Grade: B- (81%)*

There’s a line in the film that goes something like this: “so, are you saying we are about to fire off the world’s biggest dud?” While the film isn’t terrible by any means, it feels like a dud considering all of the hype leading up to its release. There are some technical aspects that are A+ caliber (sound mixing, sound editing, cinematography, & editing), but the actual narrative of the film is underwhelming, confusing, and downright drawn out and boring at times. I went on the weekend and the theater was about half full, yet multiple people around me were quite literally snoring as they had fallen asleep, and I can’t really blame them. The film is 3 hours in length, but could have easily been 2 hours and still put audience members into a slumber. I still really enjoyed appreciating some of the technical aspects of the film, but many moviegoers would be MUCH more entertained by other movies in the theater right now (e.g. Mission Impossible, Indiana Jones, and apparently Barbie).

“Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” (TV Series; Season 10) Grade: B- (80%)

“The Boy and The Heron” Grade: C+ (79%)*

I’m thrilled that Hayao Miyazaki put out another film as I’m a huge fan of his, and I enjoyed the movie, but it doesn’t make my top tier of Miyazaki movies (“Spirited Away”, “Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind”, & “Castle in the Sky”). It belongs in my next tier down (“Princess Mononoke” & “Howl’s Moving Castle”).

“The Insurrectionist Next Door” Grade: C+ (78%)

This HBO documentary is done by Nancy Pelosi’s daughter, who seeks out several people who took part in the events of January 6th a few years ago and interviews them about their motives and reflects on whether they regret their actions or not in present day. If nothing else, the film makes one realize how many cognitively absent people we have in the United States.

“Castlevania: Nocturne” (TV Series; Season 1) Grade: C (76%)

Personally, I love the animated Castlevania franchise on Netflix, and this new spinoff is excellent to me. Are they “good” according to my grading criteria? No, not really…but I grew up loving the original video games (on NES, SNES, GBA, DS, and PlayStation), so even if it scored a lot lower to my rubric, I was able to thoroughly enjoy it.

“The Eternal Memory” Grade: C (75%)*

“American Fiction” Grade: C (75%)*

“Is It Cake, Too?” (TV Series; Season 2) Grade: C (75%)

This is a fun show on Netflix where bakers try to fool judges by creating super realistic cakes of actual objects. Of course, one by one, bakers are eliminated until one contestant reigns supreme and takes home a big cash prize. The bakers are extremely talented and even though you get to see them making their cakes, and you could swear you’ll easily be able to notice which object is their cake when placed next to the real counterpart object that inspired it, it’s almost impossible. It’s crazy. It’s not a show with any great deep takeaway, but it’s fun and entertaining.

“The Super Mario Bros. Movie” Grade: C (75%)

People seem to be either loving this movie or hating it…I’m right in the middle. The most prominent downside to me is that it is every generic kid’s movie plot reskinned with Mario characters and graphics, so there’s nothing really compelling from a narrative standpoint. The most prominent upside to the film is all of the neat Easter eggs littered in the background of the film for Mario (and Nintendo) enthusiasts (e.g. a pixelated picture of Mike Tyson from “Punch Out” in the pizzeria, a sign that says “Level 1-2” as Mario and Luigi go into the sewers under Brooklyn, the original “Super Mario Bros. Super Show” theme song from the 80s, and countless others all over the place). I personally really enjoyed it as a Nintendo and Mario fan boy, and my daughters loved it (aged 7 and 3; it was their very first time going to the theater). However, if you aren’t a Mario or Nintendo fan, I could see this being a brutally boring experience for you.

“Trolls: Band Together” Grade: C (75%)

It’s a kid’s movie and it’s the third installment in the franchise, so you can’t expect too much from a film like this. Being a Trolls movie, there’s some decent music in it, but personally, I’d say the second Trolls movie was better than this one…though neither is on par with the first movie.

“Cattails Wildwood Story” (Video Game) Grade: C (75%)

Sadly, this highly anticipated sequel did not live up to expectations. The original “Cattails” was essentially “The Legend of Zelda” meets “Stardew Valley”, and it was a slappin’ good time. “Wildwood Story” has a smaller world, less customization, and an abbreviated story. It’s okay, but doesn’t have any replay value at all, whereas its predecessor can be played over and over again without diminishing returns.

“Quarterback” (TV Series; Season 1) Grade: C (75%)

As a huge football fan, it’s always pretty neat to see any behind the scenes full access content (think Hard Knocks on HBO), but gosh, Brittany Mahomes is annoying af and her obnoxious scream seems to be the first thing that sticks out about this series. Camera crews followed quarterbacks Patrick Mahomes, Kirk Cousins, and Marcus Mariota last season and chronicled their on and off the field lives, but seeing as the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, the last three(ish) episodes (out of eight) quickly turned into a KC love fest, which as a Broncos fan, made me want to puke. The overall product is meh; if you are a big NFL fan, there’s some stiff you will enjoy, but if you don’t care for the NFL, this would be a colossal waste of your time.

“Real Time with Bill Maher” (TV Series; Season 21) Grade: C (75%)

“Arnold” (Limited Series) Grade: C (74%)

This documentary/limited series was very…”meh”, but maybe that’s because of personal bias; I’ve never really understood why some people are so enamored with big muscles…I mean, it’s a pretty strange concept to me that someone can go make millions of dollars and get famous by lifting weights and standing in underwear in front of large groups of people. But…whatever, I guess. It wasn’t a terrible biopic of Arnold Schwarzenegger, but much of his “inspiring” rags to riches/visualize and believe in yourself story was apparently predicated on words that his father told him: “No matter what you do in life, make yourself useful.” Arnold says that is how he lives his life, but honestly, how did he make himself useful with his muscles and bodybuilding? Sure, one could argue that all of that is what led him to money and a platform where he could get involved in politics, but that clearly wasn’t his goal in the beginning. I just call BS on his whole “make yourself useful” thing. If you like Arnold, I guess you’re probably going to watch this regardless, but if you are indifferent to him, I’d save your time and watch something else.

“Star Wars: The Bad Batch” (TV Series; Season 2) Grade: C (74%)

Both seasons of The Bad Batch have been pretty “meh” to be honest. They aren’t “bad”, but they aren’t nearly as compelling as other animated Star Wars series like “Rebels” and “Clone Wars”. If you’re a Star Wars fan and you’re looking for something to help you fall asleep, throw The Bad Batch on and let it take you to dreamland.

“Hard Knocks: 2023 New York Jets” Grade: C- (72%)

Normally, this show pretty consistently gets an even 75% from me over the years, but 2023’s rendition gets docked slightly because it really should be called “Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Aaron Rodgers”, and without needing to get into much more detail, Aaron Rodgers is a weasel turd.

“Star Trek: Strange New Worlds” (TV Series; Season 2) Grade: C- (70%)

I rather enjoyed Season 1 of this show, but Season 2 misses the mark on so many levels. Why change up a good formula that was established in Season 1? The first season was kooky and funny and charming with great acting and some really creative plotlines. This season took that and injected steroids or shrooms or something that made it not good. A musical episode and Spock and his girlfriend changing bodies with each other are only a small taste of the not-good eccentricity of this follow-up season. Hopefully, the showrunners go back to what actually worked in season 1 when they create season 3.

“Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part I” Grade: D+ (67%)

Let me succinctly sum up this nearly 3-hour movie…here’s a MacGuffin that doesn’t make sense, let’s chase Tom Cruise, get a quick breather from the action to remind the audience there’s a MacGuffin that makes no sense, oh wait, chase Tom Cruise! Breather. MacGuffin still makes no sense. Make Tom Cruise run! MacGuffin! Chase Tom Cruise! You get the point. From a storytelling perspective, the film is awful. It tries to be clever in a very “who has the MacGuffin during this 3-hour chase” sense, but because the MacGuffin doesn’t make sense itself, the critically-minded audience member is left thoroughly annoyed and bored. The action sequences, however, are extremely well put together and entertaining. So here’s my advice…if you’re the kind of person who goes to the movies to turn your brain off, munch some popcorn, and watch some cool action, you’ll probably LOVE this movie. If you’re the kind of person who goes to the movies to stimulate your brain and make you reflect on some sort of greater meaning, seriously save your money and time…you’d HATE this movie. Perhaps put in a more simple way, if you liked “Top Gun: Maverick”, you’ll like “MI: Dead Reckoning Part One”, but if you didn’t care for “TG: Maverick” too much, you won’t care for this either.

“Ahsoka” (TV Series; Season 1) Grade: D (65%)

Simply put, the writing and plot points of this show are awful and insulting. The show’s entire premise is based on a non-sensical MacGuffin (those that have watched the show and are ready to defend it…answer me this: who created the map to Thrawn and why?). Also, speaking of Thrawn, why is he feared so much? He has no Force powers, not many troops at his disposal, and only one duct-taped together Star Destroyer to use. Those who have watched “Rebels” (an excellent series by the way) know that Thrawn and Ezra jumped to hyperspace to this other far-away galaxy via star whales while being subject to the cold vacuum of space; how did they survive that journey being in outer space? This is never explained nor touched upon in the show. Oh, and stormtrooper zombies? Seriously? And Baylan Skoll and his apprentice are strangely missing from the season finale after playing a prominent role throughout the series even though we have no idea who they are? Not sure what Dave Filoni is going to do with that in season 2 considering the actor who played Skoll passed away a few months ago, but I’m sure they’ll come up with some lazy plot point that makes no sense to explain it. Anyway, I could go on and on about how truly terrible the writing is, but alas, you’re not here to read a novel. So why didn’t I give the show an ‘F’? Because, admittedly, the visuals in the show are indeed stunning. The acting is terrible as well (I mean, come on…when Hayden Christensen as Anakin is the best-acted part, that’s all you gotta know). Unfortunately, I think the Star Wars IP has gotten to the point where modern fans don’t actually care about good writing and deep storytelling; if it’s got lightsabers and explosions and space battles, that’s considered “good”. “Ahsoka” (as well as “Obi-Wan”, “Book of Boba Fett”, and even “Mandalorian”) are a faaaaaar cry away from the original ethos and quality of classic Star Wars, which actually was centered around deep, sophisticated storytelling, and where lightsabers and explosions and space battles were auxiliary components instead of primary draws.

“Nimona” Grade: D (65%)*

“Napoleon” Grade: D (64%)

Considering this was a Ridley Scott (“Gladiator”, “The Martian”, “Alien”, “Bladerunner”, “House of Gucci”, “Legend”, & “Black Hawk Down”) film starring Joaquin Phoenix, expectations were reasonably high. Simply put, this movie was an absolute disaster. Boring, historically inaccurate, poorly acted, and an utter waste of time. I mean, I guess the costumes were good…

“Creed III” Grade: D- (63%)

Unfortunately, this was a cheesy, super predictable film with a bunch of “two-dimensional” characters that are difficult to get invested with. Not much else to say here except there are better uses of your time than watching this.

“Star Trek: Picard” (TV Series; Season 3) Grade: D- (62%)

Admittedly, I never watched season 2 because so many friends told me that it was one of the worst seasons of a TV series in existence, but gosh…worse than this? Season 3 of Picard was apparently designed as a stand-alone drawn-out 8-episode movie of sorts to give The Next Generation crew a final send-off. The first half of the show was actually really decent, but it quickly goes the way of sci-fi/fantasy disasters like “Rings of Power”, “Obi-Wan”, and “Game of Thrones” (Season 7) in the second half. It’s really stunning, actually, to see how fast and how badly the show photon torpedoes itself. If you have friends who are Lord of the Rings fans, you tell them NOT to watch “Rings of Power”. If you have friends who are Star Wars fans, you tell them NOT to watch “Obi-Wan”. If you have friends who are just starting Game of Thrones, you tell them NOT to watch the final season. If you are a Star Trek fan, I’m telling you NOT to watch the final season of Picard; the ending is AWFUL.

“The Zone of Interest” Grade: F (55%)*

“Four Daughters” Grade: F (50%)*

“Elvis” Grade: A (94%)

Austin Butler won a Golden Globe for his depiction of Elvis Presley, and it’s well-deserved. He will undoubtedly be nominated for an Oscar as well, and so should the film for “Best Picture”. Let’s just put it this way…when Tom Hanks is probably the lowest quality aspect of a film, you know it’s damn good. For a two and a half hour movie, the pacing and editing were a Masterclass in film. If you’ve not had a chance to check this gem out yet, it’s on HBO Max and well worth your time.

“Everything Everywhere All At Once” Grade: A- (93%)

Mix “Deadpool”, “The Matrix”, and anything Jackie Chan and you get this gem. For the first 30 minutes of the movie, it’s hard not to actively think: “what the hell am I watching?”, but stick with it. Artistically, this is pure gold and it prompts some interesting thoughts about existence and reality. A rare A-lister movie in my grade guide; go check it out if you haven’t yet.

“Avatar: The Way of Water” Grade: A- (92%)

After 13 years in the making, James Cameron finally put out the long-awaited sequel to one of the greatest films of all time, and it’s a rare sequel that doesn’t disappoint. Was it as “good” as the first Avatar film? No, not quite (I gave the first “Avatar” an A+ (98%) for context), but it’s definitely not hyperbole to say that it definitely deserves its Golden Globe nomination for “Best Motion Picture – Drama” and its likely “Best Picture” nomination for the Academy Awards a few months down the road. However, I think this film hits a bit differently for parents than non-parents (e.g. it’s more powerful for parents as the narrative is highly focused on Jake and Neytiri Sully’s children and using them as vehicles for eliciting strong emotions). Non-parents may not be able to relate to many of these emotional ploys and thus, find parts of the film drawn out and “flat”. My only criticism of the film comes in its villain. I always tell aspiring fiction writers that a piece is only as “good” as its villain. Avatar 2’s villain is about as two-dimensional as it gets, and honestly, not creative in the least bit. But despite this, “Avatar: The Way of Water” is visually stunning (as expected), has great action sequences that make Marvel look like the garbage they are by comparison, and deep, powerful themes revolving around culture, race, love, loyalty, and respect that make you reflect on important social issues facing humanity. Yes, the movie is 3.5 hours long, but I wished it was longer – I didn’t want it to end.

“Fire of Love” Grade: A- (91%)

“The Batman” Grade: A- (91%)

Let’s get the negatives out of the way first. The entire end sequence with the mayor-elect almost ruined an otherwise legitimately awesome movie (I’m trying not to let it have too much of an impact on the overall grade here; I would get into specifics, but I like to keep my reviews as spoiler-free as I can), what I’m calling “Hulk” Batman (only seen in the end sequence of the film) is dumb af, and seriously, how many different ways can DC tell the same Batman story (between Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy, the TV show Gotham, indirectly in Joker, and now Reeves’ The Batman series)? With all of that being said, “The Batman” delivers a rare March gem (this time of year is notorious in the industry for releasing films that the studios have deemed “failures”). The movie gives the city of Gotham a fresh and intriguing perspective despite the fact that any comic-savvy viewer knows the Batman/Bruce Wayne story like the back of their hand. The acting, all-around, is top-notch, as are the sets, costumes, and original score. Friends and family like to give me grief on how much of a “hater” I am on comic book-related films and TV shows in general, but I’ll say it again: “The Batman” is a legitimately awesome movie. DC usually puts out even stinkier garbage than Marvel (which is actually tough to do), but with “Joker” (on my short list of greatest films of all-time) and now “The Batman”, DC is showing the ability to absolutely crush Marvel whenever they please. “The Batman” is well worth your time and money to make a trip to the theater, get some popcorn, and enjoy the ride.

“Navalny” Grade: A- (90%)

“All Quiet on the Western Front” Grade: A- (90%)

As someone who has routinely taught the novel for countless years, I do wonder how those who know nothing about AQWF as a literary work would view this film. I suspect they wouldn’t quite grasp the context and meaning of select scenes, but that the overall anti-war message (in an incredibly war-filled movie) would still land well. This rendition of AQWF (the other film based on the novel was released in 1930 and won “Best Picture”) features some absolutely stunning cinematography, sets, costumes, editing, sound editing, sound mixing, and special effects. The story, of course, is powerful from start to finish, but I do feel that this version of the film could have been cut down by 15 or 20 minutes without compromising its overall message or experiential meaning.

“Andor” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: A- (90%)

If you loved “Star Wars: Rogue One” (and I did), you’ll also love this expanded look into Cassian Andor’s origin story. This kind of storytelling is what Star Wars “purists” crave, and honestly, what Disney NEEDS to do in order to save the Star Wars golden goose that they have been butchering through the absolute flops of “Kenobi”, “Book of Boba Fett”, “Force Awakens”, “Last Jedi”, and “Rise of Skywalker”. “Andor” is a gritty, well-thought-out, cinematically stunning work that easily competes with (if not exceeds) “The Mandalorian” (Season 1) as the best Star Wars series that Disney has put together. There are some blemishes to be sure (e.g. the lack of aliens in a universe that is crawling with creativity, and the drawn-out prison narrative), but this is the best thing Star Wars-related that has been put out in quite some time.

“The Bear” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: A- (90%)

Thank you to those who recommended this show. It’s only 8 episodes long, with most episodes being 20-30 minutes in length, so it’s a quick watch, but it’s really well done. The acting is superb, the cinematography is terrific, and the story is genuinely interesting because of the writer’s devotion to character development. This show reminds me of the 2013-2015 show called “Graceland” on USA Network, except instead of taking place in a shared CIA beach house, it takes place in a kitchen. My biggest gripe with the show is that it is being promoted as a new comedy series, and honestly, it’s much more of a character-centered drama (I didn’t laugh once while watching it), so if you decide to give it a go, perhaps keep that in mind. But because of the ability to binge it in a hasty fashion and the high quality of writing and production value, it’s a show that I can’t wait for season 2 to be released in the Summer of 2023.

“A Christmas Story Christmas” Grade: B+ (89%)

When the 20th season of “South Park” aired, they introduced the term “member berries”, and it has been widely adopted by the entertainment industry when referring to any pop culture icons, bringing about nostalgic feelings for the supposed good times of the past. Hollywood has made a LOT of money off of “member berries”, and they generally are a ploy to get you to open your wallet, and more times than not, they disappoint. In the case of “A Christmas Story Christmas”, the entire film is one of the largest collections of “member berries” that I’ve ever seen (even down to replicating exact shots from the original film, “A Christmas Story”). But it works…really well. It’s one of the rare films that left me with tears streaming down my face at the end of it. If you love the cult classic original, this is a sequel that definitely doesn’t disappoint. Bumpus hounds, triple dog dares, neighborhood bullies, and all the rest while “saving” Christmas. Check it out on HBO Max.

“Women Talking” Grade: B+ (89%)

This film is cleverly shot mostly around one set (a barn), so you feel more like you are watching a play instead of a movie, and it has a powerful message related to an often hushed topic (violence against women) that ultimately works despite some of the overdramatic monologues throughout the movie. The movie can be quite uncomfortable at moments, but that’s by design, and it adds to the power of the piece. I can say with full confidence that if you are someone (primarily male, however) who tends to believe in and support traditional gender roles, doesn’t support feminism, or consider yourself to be firmly rooted in “conservativism”, you would HATE this movie.

“House of the Dragon” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: B+ (88%)

For the most part, this is an excellent show, and “Game of Thrones” fans are rejoicing the fact that a new, high-quality adventure in Westeros has begun (although Season 2 won’t arrive until late 2024, unfortunately). The fact that they recast a lot of the show after 5 episodes really disappointed me as Milly Alcock was absolutely stunning in a lead role. Supposedly, they recast the show to be more accurate with the advance of time, and while the King’s character clearly ages, Matt Smith’s character doesn’t seem to age at all from episode 1 to the finale. My other issue with season 1 is that some characters clearly have “plot armor” in a universe (“Game of Thrones”) that is traditionally known for not allowing “plot armor” for its characters. Let’s just say that there were a couple of situations where characters should have definitely been killed off if this was old school GoT. Overall, I really enjoyed it even though episode 6 with all of the recast characters threw me for a loop. I wish we didn’t have to wait so long for season 2.

“The Banshees of Inisherin” Grade: B+ (87%)

Now here’s a piece of quirky, dark comedy that is, again, well-done from a technical standpoint, and narratively does just enough to keep you watching. The premise of the film is that one half of a best-friend relationship abruptly decides that he no longer wants to be best friends (or friends at all) with the other half for no deeper reason than he is “dull”. People are lauding Colin Farrell for his performance, but I personally think Brendan Gleeson steals the show in terms of acting (though I’ve always been a big fan of his). There’s honestly not a lot of action in the film, thus it drones on a bit in parts, so if you’re one that needs more of a faster pace in your movie-going experience, you’d be fine skipping this.

“Unrivaled: Red Wings v Avalanche” Grade: B+ (87%)

“The Sea Beast” Grade: B (86%)

“Jackass Forever” Grade: B (85%)

This was a difficult grade to assign because it’s not really a film per se. As many of you probably know, Jackass is a collection of ridiculous stunts meant to entertain, and in Jackass Forever, they certainly entertain. I genuinely enjoyed watching this as I laughed out loud (a rarity for me and movies) and cringed several times. One notable warning though if you are thinking about going to see this or letting your teens go to see this: there is A LOT of male nudity in this movie. As Steve-O says at the very beginning of the movie: “Nothing is funnier than dick pain.”

“Uncharted” Grade: B- (82%)

Let me start off by stating that this was a REALLY fun and entertaining movie. Certainly nowhere near Academy gold, but I really would pay to go see it again in theaters with a friend who hasn’t seen it yet – it’s that much fun. If “Uncharted” was a cake, the ingredients would be “National Treasure” and “Pirates of the Caribbean” with some “Lucky Number Slevin” iced on top. Yes, its MAGUFFIN CENTRAL plot can be hokey and tired at times, but Tom Holland proves that he has the capability to be a megastar outside of his Spideyverse, and normally, I don’t really care for Mark Wahlberg a lot, but he was outstanding in this one. Forget Marvel garbage, “Uncharted” is a true, quality popcorn action-adventure movie.

“Rescue Rangers” Grade: B- (81%)

Imagine if “Ready Player One”, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”, and “Detective Pikachu” had a strange love triangle baby and you’d have “Rescue Rangers”. I was a child of the 80s and admittedly loved Chip n’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers as part of the Disney Afternoon cartoon block, and for that niche crowd, this may have an even better grade as the movie is chalked full of 80s and early 90s references and cameos that will make you smile and laugh (e.g. Vote for Senator Butthead on a bus bench). Though you might think this is a children’s movie before watching it, I would probably put a 10+ recommendation on it (my 6-year-old thought it was too scary in parts and stopped watching about halfway through), which actually works against it (I’m not sure how many teens and young adults without kids are sitting down to stream “Rescue Rangers” on Disney+). The story is MacGuffin-central (a Disney staple in all their properties) and predictable, but fun and humorous at the same time. It’s only available on Disney+ right now, and it’s worth a watch IF you were a fan of the original cartoon series back in the day.

“Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” (TV Series: Season 9) Grade: B- (80%)

“Man in the Arena: Tom Brady” (docu-series) Grade: B- (80%)

This wrapped in March or April, but if you’re a fan of football (and yes, even if you don’t like Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, or the Patriots), it’s worth a watch. If you’re not a football fan, go ahead and skip. I wish it would have dived more into the rift between Brady and Belichick as chronicled and outlined in the excellent book “It’s Better to be Feared”, but alas, a lot of what this docu-series does is jog NFL fans down nostalgia lane.

“Top Gun: Maverick” Grade: C+ (78%)

Critics and audiences alike are absolutely LOVING this sequel, and yes, it can be a REALLY “fun” watch for its target audience. The film is a testosterone-filled wet dream, so if you’re the kind of person that loves cheesy one-liners, tons of fast action sequences, and an “easy” and nice-to-look-at love interest, then you’re also going to love “Top Gun: Maverick”. If you’re turned off by male chauvinism, macho-man fighting for hierarchical prowess, and/or shallow and predictable storylines, then you’ll find yourself rolling your eyes and looking at your watch over and over wondering when the movie will end. Bottom line: if you are part of the crowd that LOVED movies like “The Rock”, “Face/off”, “Con Air”, and “Broken Arrow” back in the 90s, you’ll likely find this movie pretty satisfying.

“Glass Onion” Grade: C+ (78%)

Full disclosure, I never saw the first “Knives Out” film because I’m a Rian Johnson movie hater because of the unmitigated, absolute mega-nuke-sized disaster he created in “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”. And truth be told, I wasn’t going to watch this either for the same reason, but I couldn’t sleep one night and it was on Netflix, so…meh, why not? Although it has some entertaining parts in it, the movie really isn’t worthy of the 93% audience and critic rotten tomatoes rating that it is garnering. True to Rian Johnson form, there are plot holes that you could fly a Star Destroyer through, and the film violates my number one rule in writing: show, don’t tell. In a well-done mystery “whodunit” style movie, there are little hints throughout that the viewer can (in theory) figure out the mystery before it unfolds before them. In Glass Onion, any time there is some convoluted mystery building, Daniel Craig’s character suddenly just blurts out all of the answers (none of which the viewer could have possibly figured out on their own). Oh, and don’t get me started on Daniel Craig’s character…you remember that big ass chicken on looney tunes (Foghorn Leghorn is his name)? Reskin that chicken with Daniel Craig and “I say, I say…” If the movie wasn’t on Netflix and I had paid for it with theater pricing, I’d be a bit peeved.

“The Fabelmans” Grade: C+ (77%)

As someone who grew up loving Steven Spielberg films (e.g. Jaws, Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, etc.), I was really looking forward to watching his latest film that featured his own life for the narrative. From a technical standpoint, the film was incredibly done, but in terms of meaningful substance, the film is nearly bankrupt, unfortunately. If you’re not one who actively appreciates the technical aspects of film, I’d advise skipping this one.

“Tar” Grade: C (76%)

Immediately after watching this film, my gut reaction was trying to weigh whether this was worse than the aforementioned “Triangle of Sadness” or not. It’s an incredibly “stuffy” and “snobby” film that doesn’t make a lot of the plot clear to the average moviegoer, and for that audience, this is the kind of movie that will bore you to tears. For the more technical and critical viewer that will stick through the whole 2.5 hours (that feels like 4 hours), there are some redeeming qualities and Cate Blanchett does a superb acting job. I usually try to keep my reviews spoiler-free, but if you are going to watch this, this is a spoiler that will seriously make your experience way more enjoyable: Blanchett’s character is being haunted throughout the film by the spirit/ghost of her former protege that committed suicide.

“Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness” Grade: C (76%)

Pleasantly surprised with this one considering how bad the trailers made it look. Yes, it’s full of MacGuffins that are nonsensical and some plot points that leave the critically-minded saying “WTF”, but sadly, this has become the norm for Marvel movies. So why was I pleasantly surprised? Benedict Cumberbatch is a superb actor, there were some deeper themes to the story that Marvel rarely treads into, and the eye candy special effects were a lot of fun. For my money, it was certainly a “better” watch than the most recent Spiderman film that the younger generation loved. If you haven’t seen it yet and are thinking about it, I’d wait until Redbox or streaming on Disney+.

“Thor: Love and Thunder” Grade: C (75%)

I’m not sure how many of you saw the San Diego Padres City Connect uniforms debut this past weekend, but I feel the same way about those as I do “Thor: Love and Thunder”; soooooo bad that it actually works in some nonsensical way. The good: incredibly artistic visually, some clever humor with personifying weapons, and I left the theater genuinely feeling like it was really “fun”. The bad: absolute trainwreck of a story. Like…wow bad, but this formula seems to be the new standard for Marvel. Visual eye candy, “fun” feeling, maddeningly stupid plot. Proceed with caution; if you have any interest at all in seeing this, I would probably wait for it to come out on Disney+.

“Real Time with Bill Maher” (TV Series: Season 20) Grade: C (75%)

“Hard Knocks: 2022 Detroit Lions” Grade: C (75%)

“The 355” Grade: C (74%)

“Jackass 4.5” Grade: C- (72%)

While I strangely enjoyed “Jackass Forever” quite a bit at the beginning of the year, this film takes all of the leftover scraps from the editing room floor and puts them together for audiences. It does have a few laugh-out-loud and cringy moments, but there’s a reason that a lot of this was left out of the original. Probably would have been better off spending my time elsewhere.

“Turning Red” Grade: C- (71%)

It didn’t really keep my attention and my 6-year-old wanted to turn it off halfway through. There’s a reason this was a straight to Disney+ and never saw a theatrical release. As far as Pixar films go, this was a disappointment.

“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” Grade: C- (70%)

Classic Marvel formula of surface-level, Maguffin-centric, super predictable storytelling and a bunch of special effects with cheesy one-liners thrown in. Angela Bassett does turn in a stunning performance as Ramonda and the costume designer’s work is notable, but other than those two aspects, there’s nothing really compelling here. Save your money and skip this one; if you’re a Disney+ subscriber and you liked the first “Black Panther”, wait until this hits the streaming service in a couple of months.

“Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special” Grade: C- (70%)

There are some funny moments in the movie, and it does finally marry Marvel to Christmas (the best part of the film is probably the opening song), but if you’re expecting something wholesome and “good” while the chestnuts are roasting on an open fire, you’ll have to look elsewhere. This holiday special ultimately belongs on Santa’s naughty list.

“Willow” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: D+ (69%)

While this is certainly NOT “good” by any stretch of the imagination, it sparkles and shines in comparison to the highly anticipated series of “Rings of Power” and “Obi-Wan” from 2022. If you’re okay with the campiness and cheese of the original film “Willow”, you’ll likely enjoy your foray with the TV series (as I did; except for the final episode… which was an absolute trainwreck that honestly dropped this a whole letter-grade in my book). The one “new” aspect of this series when compared with the original film was a large “teenage angst” factor. Cringeworthy moments throughout.

“Stranger Things” (TV Series: Season 4) Grade: D+ (68%)

The most recent season of “Stranger Things” starts off pretty solid for the first few episodes with some decent character development and a somewhat intriguing murder-mystery plotline, but then the wheels come spinning off significantly with major plot holes, and an entire sub-story arc that is head-scratching and forcefully stuffed into the show at best (with Hopper, Joyce, and Murray). Season 5 is reportedly going to be the last, and because I’ve watched the first four seasons, I’ll watch it, but if you’re someone who is on the fence about starting “Stranger Things” or not, I’d recommend not. There are MUCH better shows to devote your time to.

“Bullet Train” Grade: D+ (67%)

“Triangle of Sadness” Grade: D (65%)

There are always one or two films nominated for “Best Picture” every year that make you scratch your head and think: ‘Why the hell was that nominated?’ This is that film. It’s labeled as a “dark comedy”, which I tend to really enjoy as a genre, but there were very few laughs to be had here (unless you are a fan of vomit scenes – which I am not). The film is unnecessarily long (at over 2.5 hours long) and has no coherent ending. I’d avoid watching this – there are definitely much better ways to spend a few hours of your life.

“Life After Death with Tyler Henry” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: D (65%)

Ruminating on what happens after we die and wondering if we can communicate with the spirits of the people we loved who have passed on can be an incredibly interesting topic. This show, however, should be filed away under “reality TV trash”. It follows a traditional reality TV blueprint, the editing is awful (e.g. there are countless times that it shows a shot from behind Henry’s head where you can see his mouth moving, but not matching the words being said audibly, showing that the show’s creators dubbed in other stuff during the editing process in an attempt to add drama or intrigue), and Tyler Henry (who is apparently a famous medium that can communicate with spirits) seems so fake, phony, and non-genuine. Not worth your time.

“Halo” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: D- (62%)

Utterly uninspired storytelling mixed with a Master Chief that hardly ever wears his helmet (making Halo fans everywhere cringe), this can be tossed away into the heap of garbage that is video game to TV/movie adaptations.

“Dog” Grade: D- (60%)

I really wanted to give this movie a failing grade, but it does attempt to incorporate some feel-good elements throughout. However, this is a waste of your time. Channing Tatum can’t act, and the storyline is garbage (not to mention quite unrealistic/unbelievable).

“Prey” Grade: F (55%)

“Jurassic World: Dominion” Grade: F (50%)

This story is riddled with plot holes, MacGuffins, and Member Berries that simply don’t work on any coherent level. I love Jeff Goldblum, but c’mon man…talk about taking the money and running. Whatever awful sequels you can think of, this belongs in that category.

“Rings of Power” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: F (46%)

What a trainwreck of a show. I know a lot of Lord of the Rings fans are up in arms about how the show messed up continuity and lore, but I can’t really speak to all of that (to a lot of people’s surprise, I’m not a Lord of the Rings nerd). My grade comes purely from a storytelling and technical perspective. My primary issue with the show is that NONE of the characters are compelling or relatable. Because of this, there’s no emotional appeal or buy-in from an audience standpoint. The amount of non-sensical plot holes riddled throughout made it difficult to watch and the acting is comparable to local dinner theater stuff. It truly was a waste of time and not something that I would have continued to watch if it weren’t for the amount of LotR friends who insisted I power through it to see how terrible it was. They weren’t wrong.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi” (TV Series: Season 1) Grade: F (45%)

What an awful and epic disappointment this series was. It honestly feels like Disney didn’t care whatsoever about the writing of the show and merely wanted some cool visuals to entice more to become Disney+ subscribers. I’ll create a more detailed dive into everything that is “wrong” with the show on my blog, but I like to keep my FB reviews spoiler-free. Just know that the writing is baaaad. Like…”Rise of Skywalker” bad. For Star Wars purists (like me), this series made me feel like someone was degrading and torturing my childhood right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“In the Heights” Grade: A+ (102%)

I’ve only ever given three films a 100%. I’ve NEVER given a film (in twenty years of film grades) above 100%. I can confidently say that “In The Heights” is THE GREATEST film that I’ve ever seen. So meticulously perfect. Soooooo worth your time (and money).

“Don’t Look Up” Grade: A+ (97%)*

I actually watched this film a few weeks ago and I’ve been waiting on writing the review to make sure I digested it and represented it correctly. From a more global, all-encompassing perspective, the film really is brilliant. The basic premise of the film is that scientists (Leo Dicaprio and Jennifer Lawrence) discover a comet that is going to wipe out all life on Earth in six months. There is one MAJOR writing flaw that happens fairly early in the film that, at first, really made it difficult for me to get back into the film. The scientists are quickly recalled by the government and then released back out into the public with this knowledge. In the real (non-movie) world, there’s a 0% chance that the FBI/CIA would ever risk letting these scientists back out into the world having such knowledge. Aside from this meteor-sized blunder in writing, the film does almost everything else correctly. In large part, it is directly “spoofing” our current world, and while I normally despise “spoofs” (e.g. “Princess Pride”, “Spaceballs”, “Blazing Saddles”, basically anything Mel Brooks has ever done), this one works because it isn’t making fun of someone’s work directly, it is making fun of aspects of American society, politics, and the nature of our divisive media in general. Cate Blanchett absolutely knocks it out of the park (spoofing Laura Ingraham), and Meryl Streep & Jonah Hill create genuine humor (spoofing Donald Trump and Donald Trump Jr. respectively). The film creates important and applicable themes related to radical ideology in contemporary life in a humorous way, but that’s also one of my big concerns with the movie. I’ve talked to two different people who literally stopped watching the film because they felt it was too heavy-handed from a “leftist” point of view. The film is being celebrated by “Hollywood” (and I would be surprised if it wasn’t nominated for “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards) and those who agree with the criticisms of conservative ideologies in general. My concern is that the film, while brilliant in many different ways, is merely “preaching to the choir” (pleasing those with left-leaning beliefs) and being ignored by those with right-leaning beliefs (when they are the ones who the film is targeting to be more open-minded), only going to amplify the divide between the two perspectives (something the film is criticizing in theme). Overall, and after lots of reflection and debating, it’s a film that I feel comfortable placing on the “All-time Greats” list of rare A+ films in my grade guide, despite the fact that it is polarizing in nature – perhaps…strangely…that is part of the ?brilliance? of the film. Highly recommend watching and discussing, regardless of your individual belief system.

“King Richard” Grade: A (96%)*

An inspirational film that details the upcoming of Venus and Serena Williams under their father’s watchful and often overcontrolling guidance. Will Smith turns in an absolutely amazing performance as Richard Williams and really should take home the Oscar for “Best Actor” on March 27th. A lot of times, these “based on a true story” films bend the truth quite a bit, but in doing some research after viewing the film, “King Richard” doesn’t steer away from the documented true events much at all, which makes the inspirational nature of the film all the more powerful. “King Richard” is worthy of the “Best Picture” nomination that it got and is definitely worth your time and money if you are looking for a great film to watch.

“Dune” Grade: A (95%)*

Wholeheartedly, by and large, I absolutely loved this film. This is what “good” science-fiction/fantasy looks like, and if you were a fan of either “Star Wars: Rogue One” or “Bladerunner 2049,” you’ll likely really enjoy this film as well. It’s dark and complex in storytelling. I was talking to a colleague earlier today about this movie and they were complaining that there wasn’t enough action and they were confused about which character belonged to what house and why certain houses didn’t like each other and what was the Imperium and how does spice work and what is “the voice”? If your idea of “good” science-fiction/fantasy is Marvel garbage, then you’re likely not going to like “Dune” very much. This is more like Game of Thrones in the year ten thousand across multiple worlds. The visuals are stunning, the acting (with the exception of Josh Brolin, which is a shame) was phenomenal, and the storytelling – which is something to behold in terms of mythic story structure and tropes – is second to none. Yes, it is much more drama-centered than action-centered, which apparently disappointed some, but I personally love the political intrigue and character-building. So with all of this praise, why not 100%? Most of the action in the film felt forced with obvious outcomes based on what characters were involved. Also, for as complex as the story was at times, I wished it was a bit longer, devoting more time to fleshing out some of the drama/intrigue a bit further (I know that might sound ludicrous considering the film is two and a half hours long; perhaps “Dune” would have been better served as a series instead of a two-part film?). Overall, it’s a niche film; true hardcore science-fiction/fantasy fans will love it whereas most others will likely have a lukewarm reaction to it due to its complexity and focus on drama instead of action.

“Encanto” Grade: A- (91%)

Disney’s collection of original animated films is starting to rival that of subsidiary giant Pixar (with entries like “Raya and the Last Dragon”, “Luca”, “Soul”, “Moana”, and “Onward”), and with the exception of “Moana”, “Encanto” might be the best of the bunch. But let me get this out of the way up front, “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” is NOT the best song in the film (“Surface Pressure” is better). The film will undoubtedly walk away with the “Best Animated Feature Film” award at the Academy Awards on March 27th, and it deserves it. Yes, it’s about magical powers, how to use them, and how to realize them, but more importantly, it’s about the “magic” of family – a concept that many in American culture seem bankrupt of, which is why I think the film strikes such a powerful chord with the majority of those who have seen it. I would be lying if I said the film didn’t bring a tear to my eyes a couple of different times. Not one of the “greatest of all time” films, but certainly an “A”-list movie that is worth your time to watch.

“Squid Game” (Season 1) Grade: A- (90%)

Tons of my students have been talking about this, so I decided to check it out. The pros: great acting, phenomenal sets, costumes, lighting, and cinematography. The show does a great job building drama and suspense (as long as you stay away from spoilers) out of a Hunger Games/Lord of the Flies-type narrative that keeps you wanting to watch the next episode. The cons: the gore and violence. Sure, the show has an MA (Mature) rating (meaning 18+), but how many irresponsible parents are out there letting their under-18 children watch this? They say in neuroscience that the brain doesn’t stop growing (in large part) until we are about 25 years old. That’s probably the rating I would put on this show due to its depiction of the value of life. But if you are in the mature demographic, it’s a fun and thought-provoking series.

“Cowboy Bebop” (Season 1) Grade: B+ (89%)

“Coda” Grade: B+ (88%)*

This is a nice feel-good film with some humor mixed in about a high school senior grappling with her own budding self-identity which is in conflict with the expectations of her deaf family. There are a couple of tear-jerker moments at the end of the movie, but some poor writing holds it back from being an all-time great (for instance, in reality, the choir teacher would be fired in five minutes for just about everything he does & doctors are required to provide someone who can sign and interpret for deaf people – although that scene is funny). Overall, it’s not “Best Picture” material, but it might be worth a watch on Apple TV if you are already subscribed.

“No Time to Die” Grade: B+ (87%)

“8-Bit Christmas” Grade: B+ (86%)*

I put an asterisk on this grade because the film has a VERY clear target audience. If you are a white male aged 30-50 and Nintendo was a staple of your childhood, you’ll think the movie is an instant Christmas classic to be watched year after year. If you aren’t in that demographic, there’s a good chance you’d find the film ridiculous and uninteresting. As it is, I would say this movie would be a perfect love child of “A Christmas Story” and “Napoleon Dynamite.” Personally, I really enjoyed the movie quite a bit, but I am in the target demographic.

“House of Gucci” Grade: B (85%)

“Luca” Grade: B (84%)

“Nightmare Alley” Grade: B- (82%)*

Guillermo Del Toro’s latest film is…odd…in a mostly interesting way. Bradley Cooper plays a carney hand who learns some tricks of the trade and tries to branch out on his own for more lucrative opportunities. For starters, the film is simply too long; it’s two and a half hours but it could have easily been two. The narrative itself is a bit strange as it’s really two separate stories (one as the learning carney hand which takes an hour of the film, and another as the independent trickster wanting lots of money which takes the remaining hour and a half of the film) which are presented as years apart. There’s certainly tangible tension throughout the movie, but the “twists” in the story are predictable from far away and fall flat. Like “Coda”, it’s not a bad film per se, and it’s worth a watch if you are already subscribed to HBO Max and have nothing better to do, but not worthy of being “Best Picture.” The nomination is likely Hollywood politics as Del Toro directed “Best Picture” winner “Shape of Water” a couple of years ago and cinema’s elite do like to build stars by boosting resumes with nominations to go along with the occasional win (see Meryl Streep).

“West Side Story” Grade: B- (80%)*

Critics love Spielberg’s iteration of this classic Broadway play and have it pegged in the early “Best Picture” conversation, but…meh. It’s certainly not a waste of time or money, but I wouldn’t put it in such high regard. Maybe it’s because as an English professor, I’ve been overexposed to West Side Story over the years, maybe it’s because I’m not a big fan of musicals, or maybe it’s because Tony and Maria’s romantic story arc had no early development whatsoever. To be sure, the costumes, choreography, sets, and Ariana DeBose’s performance as Anita are phenomenal, but if you are looking for an amazing musical (from this year nonetheless), go watch “In the Heights” instead.

“Flee” Grade: C+ (79%)

From a completely objective, non-Hollywood image-conscious standpoint, I’m not sure why this film is nominated for so many awards. It chronicles the true story of a gay illegal immigrant in animated fashion. It wasn’t a bad film (I did grade it slightly above average), it’s just VERY anti-climactic and leaves you with a deflated “so what?” feeling at the end, which is too bad because homosexuality and illegal immigration are two topics that absolutely need and deserve more recognition and critical consideration in the public spotlight. A lot of lost potential with this one, unfortunately.

“The Book of Boba Fett” (Season 1) Grade: C+ (78%)

This 7-episode foray into how Boba Fett survived the Sarlacc Pit in “Return of the Jedi” and became one of the warlords of the desert planet of Tatooine had some bright spots, but overall, suffered from being too “Marvelized.” After 4 so-so episodes to start the season, episodes 5 and 6 are where BoBF makes its bacon as it essentially transforms into “The Mandalorian Season 2.5.” Both of those episodes are surely must-watch prior to Season 3 of “The Mandalorian” later in 2022 as they move the story arc of that show in significant ways. The season finale of BoBF, however, was an unmitigated disaster. While Mandalorian fans will have to watch it for that show’s plotline, a CGI rancor going King Kong (complete with the famous King Kong shot of the ape at the top of the Empire State Building) through the city of Mos Espa was cringeworthy (plus the nonsensical fact that if Boba Fett went back to the palace to get something to turn the tide of the battle, why would he get his baby rancor instead of his starship that is 10x more powerful?). Some interesting cultural depth to Tusken Raiders in the first 4 episodes, straight-up Mandalorian for episodes 5 & 6, and Marvel meets Star Wars disaster in episode 7. Overall, slightly above average viewing to hold Star Wars fans over until the Obi-Wan miniseries premieres in May.

“Raya and the Last Dragon” Grade: C+ (77%)

“Belfast” Grade: C (75.5%)*

Yet another “meh” Academy Award Best Picture nominee. “Belfast” chronicles religious-based violence in Northern Ireland during the 1960s and is inspired by the Director’s own childhood. It’s not a “bad” film, but there’s nothing inherently remarkable nor any deeper reflective takeaway here. If you are wanting to work your way through all of the Best Picture nominees before March 27th, you really could skip this one and save yourself time and money.

“The Power of the Dog” Grade: C (75%)*

I’m honestly not sure why this is nominated for “Best Picture” in the upcoming Academy Awards. It has some decent tension-filled scenes here and there, and some above-average acting from Benedict Cumberbatch, but the pacing of the film is dreadfully slow. Like…paint might dry faster. Kirsten Dunst getting a nomination for “Best Supporting Actress” is laughable as I would argue she doesn’t do a lick of acting in the entire film. When the film first started, I thought we were about to get a Daniel Day-Lewis type of antagonist (ala Bill the Butcher from “Gangs of New York”) out of Benedict Cumberbatch, but as the film wears on, Cumberbatch’s antagonistic character mostly lurks in the background and never provides the kind of payoff to the tension his looming character constantly causes. Unless you enjoy a snail’s paced movie with very little dialogue, then I would recommend skipping this one.

“Harry Potter 20-year Reunion” Grade: C (74%)

“Hard Knocks: Dallas Cowboys” Grade: C- (73%)

“Spider-Man: No Way Home” Grade: C- (71%)

My favorite line in the MCU comes from this film. MJ says over and over that “If you expect disappointment, then you can never really be disappointed.” That’s how I’ve been conditioned to think before seeing any Marvel movie, and surprisingly, it works. Whenever I see a Marvel film, I always anticipate that I’m about to watch a heaping pile of sewage, and then when it is merely just a cow pie or a cat turd buried in the litter box, I’m pleasantly surprised. A Marvel movie making anything higher than a ‘D’ in my grade guide is an accomplishment. Sure, “No Way Home” is A LOT of fun visually, but the writing is an absolute trainwreck. The film’s premise is based on Peter Parker wanting to change the whole universe because he, MJ, and Ned didn’t get into college. Instead of being the rational, intelligent wizard that Marvel has set him up to be, Dr. Strange doesn’t question it and begins the time-altering spell before going over the details first. Peter then has Strange start altering the spell mid-cast and it messes everything up. It’s such a mind-numbingly bad and laughable premise that hopefully even superhero enthusiasts who easily suspend reality can agree is ridiculous. But it’s Marvel, so who cares about the sensical details, right? Anyway, the MCU is messed up and Marvel meets Super Smash Bros. ensues with tons of classic villains and multiple Spider-mans clashing. I enjoyed some of the nostalgia as I’m actually a fan of Tobey Maguire and it was good to see him back, as was also the case with Doc Ock and the Green Goblin. Without explaining anything (per Marvel’s MO), Spider-Man magically creates a gun that can instantly “cure” the bad guys from being “bad” and good triumphs over evil in the end. There are, to be sure, A LOT of worse Marvel movies out there, but there are also a handful that are better. As long as you temper your expectations and channel your inner MJ, you’ll walk out of the movie theater feeling like No Way Home was a lot of fun, as I did. Not a “good” movie at all, but definitely fun.

“Licorice  Pizza” Grade: D+ (67%)*

It’s billed as a “Best Picture”-caliber teenage coming-of-age movie, but it turns out that a 25-year-old and a 15-year-old falling in love while acting like 6-year-olds (think Napolean Dynamite-esque) isn’t actually that good at all. Is it because the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s son is the primary male actor in the movie? Is it because Alana Haim has major connections in Hollywood? I don’t know why it’s a “Best Picture” contender…it’s not good.

“Drive My Car” Grade: D (65%)*

This film is nominated for “Best Picture” and “Best International Film” and has garnered heaps of praise and excellent critical acclaim, and I don’t know why. It’s a 3-hour film that feels more like 5 due to the repetitive nature of the main character listening to dialogue in his car. Technically speaking, from a filmmaker’s standpoint, there are some extremely well-done elements (like cinematography, editing, and sound mixing), but narratively speaking, it’s dry and boring and feels more like a documentary that follows a mundane person living a fairly regular life. Highly recommend skipping this and saving yourself a chunk of time.

“The Matrix Resurrections” Grade: D (64%)

There’s this continuing trend in Hollywood to butcher nostalgic cash cows, and I suppose it was The Matrix’s turn. From a business and psychological standpoint, it makes sense. Those who experienced the greatness of the original now have their own kids and want to “share” that with them. The nonsensical “reset” of the timeline (via an alternate timeline or via the “next generation” of the original character’s children) matters not to big studio executives as we see it done time and time again (think Star Wars, Star Trek, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, Terminator, and on and on). In this film, Neo is straightforward in observing the obvious in the idea that the machines “reset” the Matrix: “So, everything I did before didn’t matter. I’m back where I began.” Oh, it mattered Neo. Some Warner Bros. bigwigs are getting some nice private jets, yachts, or seventeenth vacation homes out of you. Here’s a novel concept Hollywood: why don’t you come up with some original ideas instead of this lazy formula that craps all over something nostalgic and ruins it for the sake of profit? Needless to say, this “new” iteration of The Matrix is hot garbage. Save yourself ten bucks and leave intact whatever love you have for the original and skip this.

“The Tomorrow War” Grade: D- (60%)

“Joker” Grade: A+ (97.5%); easily one of the most brilliant and culturally-relevant films of our time. Some were said to have walked out of the film or simply boycotted the film due to its “glorification of violence.” I saw nothing of the sort. Instead, the film spotlights the sad reality of mental illness and the tragic outcome when someone seeks validation and help but is refused at every turn and labeled “a freak.” This film should make you uncomfortable, but hopefully, it can help to spur meaningful conversation around the ideas of perspective and those who are seeking or need help. I could see fans of “superhero” movies being quite disappointed in the film because it’s not a “superhero” movie. It’s a serious film that takes on heavy, dark, and depressing themes which are sadly quite realistic for the times we live in.

“For Sama” Grade: A+ (97%); this documentary is easily one of the rawest and emotionally-jarring films I’ve ever seen. There’s that old saying that when you’re going through something difficult, to remember that it could always be worse, and most people who are given that advice usually respond with some sort of variation of “that’s not helpful.” Well, if this film doesn’t make you reflect on what you do have in your life to be thankful for, and that it truly could be a lot worse, then I’m not sure you still have a soul. What an incredibly sad and miraculous journey this filmmaker, her husband, and their baby went through, but hopefully their sacrifices aren’t for naught as the filmmaker feared towards the end of the piece. Hopefully, her work is able to move enough people towards love, peace, and a better future.

“Ford v Ferrari” Grade: A+ (97%); this movie has it all; it’s funny, thrilling, suspenseful, makes you reflect on life and who we are as human beings, and hits you in the feels in all the best ways. Christian Bale and Matt Damon both turn in superb acting performances and the cinematography is some of the best I’ve ever seen. This film will garner a lot of Academy Award recognition, and for good reason. It’s one of the greats of all-time.

“The Edge of Democracy” Grade: A (95%); one of the better documentaries that I’ve seen in a long time. This film chronicles the formation and eventual fall of democracy in Brazil over the past 30 years. The filmmaker had exclusive access to both of Brazil’s Presidents during their brief democracy and demonstrates the danger of a two-party political system ripe with corruption and the role that polarizing media can play on an entire country, and who the real “losers” are: the citizenry. There are clear parallels to America’s current political climate in the film; almost a warning of sorts that this is where we are headed if we aren’t careful.

“The Mandolorian” (Season 1) Grade: A (94%); from start to finish, this series gives Star Wars fans something to be proud of that Disney actually created. The characters are well-developed and the universe and the detail that director Jon Favreau put into each episode is incredible (even though there is one pretty bad plot hole in the last episode which is why I dinged the grade from being better). The structure of the series is aligned with old-school spaghetti westerns where a couple of the episodes don’t really move the overall narrative much but contain a complete story in and of themselves. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, mind you. And one final note in my review about the show: Baby freaking Yoda. Watch it.

“Marriage Story” Grade: A (94%); Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver both turn in stellar acting performances in this made only for Netflix film (I can’t believe I just admitted that Kylo Ren can actually act…) that successfully depicts the pain and struggles of a couple going through a divorce and the sad effects that it has on their 8-year-old son. It’s an incredibly raw and real film that makes you care about both characters equally in their struggle of a crumbling marriage. As well done of a film as this is, and it IS an A-list film for me, just be forewarned that it is depressing in the same way that “Three Billboards” was, so if that’s not your cup of tea, you might steer clear of it. But it should garner some Academy Award love come February.

“Tell Me Who I Am” Grade: A- (93%); Netflix’s description for what this documentary is about does it no justice and admittedly kept me from watching it for a while because it didn’t sound that interesting. However, this is one of the more powerful films I’ve seen this year. It provides an interesting and sad case study on ethics and prompts the viewer to reflect on the power of perspective and its ability to shape the reality we experience. This documentary has some of the rawest emotion that isn’t manufactured that I’ve seen in a long time. I highly recommend if you’re the type who likes to reflect on life and deeper meaning.

“One Child Nation” Grade: A- (92%); this Amazon Prime documentary has been nominated for ‘Best Documentary Feature’ and I can see why. The filmmaker details her personal story as well as many others who are a part of the generation that had to live out the horrors of China’s ‘One-Child Policy’ which ended in 2015 in favor of a ‘Two-Child Policy’. The film is a testament to the power of fear and propaganda and the tragic and potent outcomes that they can both have. Definitely worth a watch, but you should be forewarned, there are a lot of pictures of dead babies in the film.

“The Great Hack” Grade: A- (91%); another excellent Netflix documentary that chronicles just how little control we actually have in the decisions that we make in our lives. The film shows how our individual digital footprints are being used by large corporate entities to not only make billions of dollars but also swing elections and create real-life unrest across the globe. The production quality could have been a bit better in parts, but this really ought to be required viewing for everybody who has ever used the internet due to the quality of the ideas presented.

“Leaving Neverland” Grade: A- (91%); this 4-hour documentary leaves no doubt as to the horrific things Michael Jackson did, and it is an excellent sociological awareness piece that makes you think about life. However, it definitely could have been done in a traditional 2-hour format as opposed to dragging it out over 4.

“Aladdin” Grade: A (91%); very surprised at how well done this movie is. I was dreading seeing Will Smith as the Genie (there are just some performances like Robin Williams’ Genie that are in a class of their own), but he absolutely nailed it, and in my opinion, it was PERFECTLY cast. An almost flawless recreation of one of the best Disney films ever made. Definitely worth your time and money.

“1917” Grade: A- (90%); this Sam Mendes film (other notable works include: Spectre, Skyfall, Jarhead, Road to Perdition, American Beauty) is certainly a spectacle to behold from a technical standpoint. The film largely incorporates one streaming camera from start to finish (only two true cuts) which is incredibly impressive, and the sound editing, sound mixing, costumes, and makeup are phenomenally done. So for those aspects, it doesn’t surprise me that it is nominated for “Best Picture”, however, the story is a bit basic and doesn’t have a deeper meaning beyond a basic show of determination and sacrifice.

“Honeyland” Grade: A- (90%); this documentary follows a Macedonian woman who takes care of bees for a humble living, one in which she has given up a much different life to take care of her ill-befallen mother. The film successfully depicts a theme around the cycle of life, both in its destruction and its creation on many different levels while also providing a fascinating glimpse into a much different culture than what we have in the United States.

“Jojo Rabbit” Grade: B+ (89%); this quirky dark comedy tells the tale of a 10-year-old German boy who just isn’t quite cut out to actually be a Nazi despite his greatest efforts to become one. Though the film is meant to be over-the-top to draw its comedic value, there are moments where it is a bit much, which holds it back from being A-list caliber material. Ultimately, the film is still an excellent watch and Scarlett Johansson provides a scintillating performance (as does the “kid trapped in a fat kid’s body”), but the lack of a greater theme that is readily applicable to our modern world may leave some feeling as though something is missing.

“The Family” (docu-series) Grade: B+ (87%); based on a best-selling book, this 5-part Netflix docu-series chronicles the existence and influence of what is essentially a shadow government called ‘The Family’ with tentacles spread across the globe under the direction of a man named Doug Coe. The first episode is a bit cheesy as there are some reenactment scenes, but the rest of the series is much more documentary-like and definitely worth a watch. If you don’t remember this organization getting public attention in the late 2000s or don’t know who Doug Coe is, you should watch this just to have a better understanding of world politics and organized religion.

“Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened” Grade: B (86.5%); this Netflix documentary provides a deeper look into the mind and practices of conman Billy McFarland and provides a lens into a sad culture of excess and vulnerability. There is also a theme of what is at the heart of humanity when all structure and organization breaks down.

“The Lion King” Grade: B (86%); unfortunately, this Disney remake doesn’t live up to its groundbreaking 1994 original. The 2019 version was clearly made for the same audience as the 1994 version (as evidenced by Pumba asking Timon whether or not he is going to stop him from using the word ‘farted’ as he does in the original). As I did not see this opening day, I was curious if others thought it would be appropriate for me to take my 3-year-old to, and I must admit, I was sure glad I screened it first. This Lion King is NOT appropriate for little ones – perhaps 6+. Overall, the story is still the same classic, the voice acting was poorly cast, and the film lacks the same whimsical expressions and goofy charm that helped make the original so good. If you grew up loving the original, you won’t be disappointed by this remake, but you won’t be wowed by it either.

“Avengers: Endgame” Grade: B (86%); this follow-up to “Avengers: Infinity War” lacked the excellence of its predecessor, primarily due to some nonsensical plot holes and the dumbest character in the Marvel universe, Captain Marvel. Overall, however, the film was still entertaining throughout and had some good moments of humor.

“The Highwaymen” Grade: B (85%); Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson star in this film about the Texas Rangers who ultimately took down Bonnie and Clyde in the 1930s. To be honest, this film caught me off guard a little bit in its production quality. The costumes and sets were on point and the acting was superb. Despite knowing how the story would inevitably end, there were still plenty of tense moments to keep me thoroughly entertained.

“Parasite” Grade: B (85%); this ‘Best Picture’ nominee is a decent watch, but it’s fast-pace and extremely quirky nature makes it a bit clunky throughout. Although this foreign-language film draws its interest through the first two acts from humor-filled suspense, the film wraps up in its best Quentin Tarantino impersonating fashion with grotesque and meaningless violence. The film also tries too hard to have a deeper meaning that it shoves in the audience’s face by continually stating that “it’s like a metaphor.” Though there are some pretty neat depictions of socio-economic class related to the title of the film.

“You vs. Wild” (Season 1) Grade: B (85%); what a great peek into a type of viewing experience that may or may not catch on in the era of streaming services. This show is literally a “Choose Your Own Adventure” kind of show, where you make the choices for host Bear Grylls on what he is going to do in real extreme environments. If you make poor choices, you get Bear hurt or stranded and he doesn’t accomplish his goal and it’s “game over”. My 3-year old daughter loves this show and has learned a great deal about how to survive in the wilderness from it. Technically speaking, there are some bits of the filmmaking that could have been done better (e.g. the “wolf” is really just a husky they got to bark and it’s pretty obvious), but overall, it’s pretty cool to see this type of interactive show appear on the streaming service. Hopefully, there will be more like this in the future!

“Inside Bill’s Brain: Decoding Bill Gates” (docu-series) Grade: B (84%); this 3-part Netflix docu-series chronicles three key projects that the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is undertaking (toilets in third world countries, eliminating polio, and modern nuclear reactors) while also providing an interesting and introspective look at Bill Gates’ past and his path to fame and fortune. It’s a solid series, and people really should check it out just to get an idea of some of the problems the planet faces that we aren’t seeing in the news.

“The World According to Jeff Goldblum” (Season 1) Grade: B- (83%); this Disney+ based show is wonderful in all of its Jeff Goldblum-esque beauty. If you love Goldblum, you will be entertained enough by the show (even when he covers topics that you aren’t that interested in). If you don’t care for Jeff Goldblum (or even feel indifferent by Jeff Goldblum), then you should probably look to spend your time elsewhere.

“The Irishman” Grade: B- (82%); this Martin Scorsese straight to Netflix mobster film starring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino is quite solid at times. The film does run a bit long at three and a half hours and does meander at points, but it keeps you intrigued enough to keep watching. The ending is a bit strange and doesn’t seem to fit, but if you have nothing better to do on a snowy evening, it’s worth a watch.

“I Lost My Body” Grade: B- (81%); this “Best Animated Feature” nominee was odd, beautiful, charming, and full of creativity in regard to perspective. It is definitely adult-themed, so approach with caution before you think it’s a “cartoon” and let your children watch it. The film has a lot of relatable themes though and is beautifully drawn.

“The Cave” Grade: B- (81%); this documentary follows a female pediatrician in the city of Damascus while the Syrian regime is bombarding their city. There are some sad concepts in the film and some demonstration of true heroism, but it lacks the same emotional and gut-wrenching appeal that “For Sama” (similar subject matter) has. I also feel the theme of sexism against females working in Syrian culture was too forced and not naturally presented. Save the time and watch “For Sama” instead.

“Fire in Paradise” Grade: B- (81%); maybe it’s because I used to visit the city of Paradise quite a bit when my mom lived there and it was strange to see so many familiar sights in an apocalyptic-looking setting, or maybe it’s actually a really frightening look into what can happen to our lives in the blink of an eye, but either way, this 40-minute Netflix documentary is chilling in a very real way. Some of the climate change commentary seems forced at the end and was really unnecessary, but if you want to see some incredible footage and pictures from the inside of a city while it’s happening, put this on your watch list.

“The Movies That Made Us” (Season 1) Grade: B- (80%); this short season features 4 episodes, and each episode takes a deeper look behind the scenes of a featured movie (“Dirty Dancing”, “Home Alone”, “Die Hard”, and “Ghostbusters”), complete with personal stories and how each film almost didn’t end up being made. If you’re a film buff (or enjoy any of those 4 aforementioned movies a lot), you’ll enjoy the behind the scenes making of each featured film. Hopefully, Netflix makes future seasons of the show.

“The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance” (Season 1) Grade: C+ (79%); while I enjoyed the series from start to finish because I was one of the cult fans of the original movie growing up, if I’m to be objective in my analysis here, the story is rather slow and boring at times. The creativity of the world-building from set design and costumes kept me immersed though through all of the slowness. The storyline is pretty basic and ultimately quite predictable. The show is much darker than anticipated though, and I probably wouldn’t let children under the age of 10 (and maybe that’s too generous) watch it.

“Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” Grade: C+ (79%); considering this film was supposedly an award candidate for the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards, I would consider this a pretty big disappointment. The film itself is well-made from a technical standpoint, but there’s really not a greater “so what?” theme or meaning to it. I kept watching all of the different storylines waiting for it all to somehow tie back together in some greater or more meaningful way, and after 2 hours and 41 minutes, the credits rolled and I was left thinking “okay…that sucks, it really could have been a great film if it had some sort of coherent takeaway.” The ending did fall apart in typical Quentin Tarantino fashion though with gratuitous violence and hysteria, I will say that.

“Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” (Season 6) Grade: C+ (79%); one of the weaker seasons of John Oliver’s show to date. There are too many “throwaway” episodes where he covers topics that are obscure and targeting niche audiences. His gimmicks in this season were rather weak as well. Definitely the least amount of laughs that I’ve had watching John Oliver over the course of a year.

“The Mind, Explained” (docu-series) Grade: C+ (78%); this 5-part Netflix docu-series investigates several aspects of how the brain functions (e.g. memory, perception, conditioning, etc.) with real-life examples. It can be a bit dry and educational at times, but personally, I like educational when it comes to brain stuff, and there’s some really good stuff in this series if that’s your jam.

“Little Women” Grade: C+ (78%); not entirely sure why this is nominated for “Best Picture”; the film is extremely slow, painfully predictable (and this is from someone who had never been exposed to this story before), and lacks any kind of suspense in moments that could have had suspense if produced better. The reason it still gets a slightly above average grade from me is because some of the acting is superb – about the only thing this movie has going for it.

“Polar” Grade: C+ (77%); surprisingly, I found myself really enjoying this Quentin Tarantino-esque wannabe movie. The story is cut from the same cloth as “John Wick” or “Taken”, so not only did it lack depth or any realistic nature, it was terribly predictable as well. However, it was creative, mindless fun in the form of fast, thrilling, gory action sequences that reminded me of “300” or “Sin City”. Overall, the end product has its shortcomings, but it truly is an incredibly fun and addictive feature.

“Unnatural Selection” (docu-series) Grade: C+ (77%); this Netflix-based docu-series examines the world of CRISPR gene editing and how people are now experimenting with it in their basements. The show introduces the idea that we could eliminate diseases like malaria by genetically engineering mosquitoes, but how religious constructs and belief systems stand in the way. There is also a component of entrepreneurism in claims to cure AIDS using CRISPR by one of the men featured in the series, though it is ultimately a sham. Some interesting science concepts and questions are presented in this series, but it can be a bit dry and slow at times.

“Bikram” Grade: C (76%); a Netflix documentary detailing the controversial life of Bikram Choudhury and the creation of the popular Bikram Yoga movement that swept the United States in the late 1990s and 2000s. On the surface, it doesn’t sound like something that would peak one’s interest, especially if you aren’t really into Yoga (like me), but I was sucked into the corruption and scandal surrounding Bikram Choudhury and how many people continue(d) to blindly follow him and support him. It’s worth a watch if you’ve made it through your Netflix queue and don’t know what to do next.

“Stranger Things” (Season 3) Grade: C (76%); probably the weakest of the three seasons of the show to date. It wasn’t bad, it was just ‘meh’. This season didn’t really develop any of the characters further as season 2 did, so the plotline never really built much intrigue. The nostalgic factor remained strong, however, which is really what this show has going for it. And for Season 4, all I can say is #bringHopperback.

“Married at First Sight” (Season 9) Grade: C (75%); of the two seasons of MAFS released in 2019, this was the more entertaining one. Although the show’s editing (or editing quotes and scenes out of context) drives me bonkers, at least three of the four couples in this season were cast with an eye for drama, which can make “reality” tv more watchable.

“The Laundromat” Grade: C (75%); Meryl Streep, Gary Oldman, and Antonio Banderas (yes, there has been an Antonio Banderas sighting!) star in this convoluted take on the Panama Papers and how the lack of tax laws leads to money laundering, shell companies, and screwing over the common citizen. On the surface, that doesn’t really sound that entertaining, I understand, and quite frankly, there are storylines in the film that don’t help the viewer understand the complexity of how it all actually works, but there is a whimsical charm in the way Steven Soderberg put the film together like a play in parts. In traditional Soderberg fashion, he has several different storylines of several different characters that you expect to somehow come together at the end, but they oddly…don’t. Some people were apparently really turned off by Meryl Streep’s breaking of the 4^th wall at the end of the film to make a leftist political statement and have spewed hatred for the movie because of it, but honestly, it’s like 20 seconds and if her personal take isn’t your cup of tea, just leave it be.

“Real Time With Bill Maher” (Season 17) Grade: C (75%); anything that Maher does should always be taken with a grain of salt as he is extremely biased, but he does provide some thought-provoking commentary at times that is meaningful and should be heeded. There are times, however, where Maher needlessly goes after certain groups of people (such as “nerds”) and alienates them by calling them “losers” and “degenerates”, thus costing him some major credibility points in my book. His extremism can be entertaining though if you don’t take him too seriously.

“Pokemon: Detective Pikachu” Grade: C- (72%); the film has its own bit of charm to it, and they create a neat realistic world where Pokemon and people live together, but the “cheese” factor of the film dominates in parts, and the plotline and character decisions become nonsensical in certain scenes. Take it with a grain of salt though; it’s a kid’s movie.

“Married at First Sight” (Season 8) Grade: C- (71%); only one of the four couples paired in season 8 (Luke and Kate) created feelings of tension and got me invested in their outcome. All of the other couples were a bit of a snooze-fest. Like all seasons of MAFS, the editing is so poorly done, but what do you expect from a “reality” tv show on FYI Network?

“Captain Marvel” Grade: C- (70%); straying away from Marvel’s traditional formula of cheesy one-liners and horribly contrived and predictable storylines, this film is probably the best origin story movie that Marvel has created to date…at least, until the last half hour of the film. From the point where Captain Marvel literally stops a ton of nukes in the sky with her bare hands, this may be one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. A-caliber stuff to that point, clear F-stuff from that moment forward.

“Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Oakland Raiders” (Season 14) Grade: D+ (68%); how many times can Jon Gruden say “knock on wood if you’re with me”? Overall, this season of Hard Knocks was rather bland, and they tried to make too much out of not enough with Antonio Brown, but I will give this series credit for foreshadowing the idea that Darren Waller was going to be a beast at tight end. All of my fantasy teams appreciated it.

“El Camino” Grade: D+ (67.5%); this Netflix-based sequel film to the hit TV series “Breaking Bad” finished the storyline of what happened to Jesse after the series finale. Its production quality was surprisingly quite low considering the popularity of the series it was based on, and the storyline was a bit herky-jerky and clunky as you are trying to keep up with what point in time of Jesse’s life storyline you are watching. There was closure to the loose ends of the “Breaking Bad” TV series, but nothing worth wasting your time watching. Read a Wikipedia synopsis in five minutes and save yourself the two hours of viewing.

“Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” Grade: D+ (67%); fans were never given a reason for how Emperor Palpatine is back alive, the Sith dagger made absolutely no sense, pretty lucky quicksand to fall down, C-3PO knows where the wayfinder is at, but can’t tell anybody because the Galactic Republic (who would have wanted to prevent the Sith from coming back) apparently programmed him so that it was forbidden for him to tell anyone what Sith inscriptions say, Anakin’s lightsaber was somehow repaired after being absolutely obliterated in “The Last Jedi”, the Emperor didn’t know the Force connection between Rey and Kylo Ren even though Snoke did (and apparently was the one who “allowed” them to “Force Skype” in “The Last Jedi”) and the Emperor was the puppet master behind Snoke, fans were never given a reason for how Emperor Palpatine is back alive, Kylo Ren gets stranded on an Endor moon, but then inexplicably lands on a planet beyond the Outer Rim in a regular TIE Fighter which has no hyperspeed capability at the end, Luke’s X-Wing is suddenly repaired after he purposefully destroyed it beyond repair in “The Last Jedi”, the Emperor’s secret fleet of 500 Death Star Destroyers with hundreds of thousands if not millions of people to man them makes absolutely no sense, oh and did I mention that fans were never given a reason for how Emperor Palpatine is back alive? This final installment of the new Disney-age “Star Wars” trilogy just confirms that the three films were never thought out at all. This is a mess of a film, but at least it’s not quite as bad as its predecessor, “The Last Jedi”. Jar Jar Abrams ruins everything he touches.

“The Umbrella Academy” (Season 1) Grade: D (66.5%); this series started off very strong with A-caliber episode after A-caliber episode until halfway through. Then the wheels come completely off and it features F-caliber episode after F-caliber episode, culminating with a girl exploding the moon by shooting laser beams out of her eyes. Yes, you read that correctly. Overall, save yourself the time investment and pass on this.

“American Factory” Grade: D (66%); this “Best Documentary Feature” nominee left me scratching my head at first because it is dull, boring, and lacked any kind of deeper meaning. It covers the ability of American and Chinese citizens working together to create windshields in a rural Ohio factory. There is a bit of fascination with how different each culture is in work ethic and worldview, but overall, it’s a snoozer. When I looked into why it might be nominated for “Best Documentary Feature”, I found that the film was produced by Barrack and Michelle Obama’s new film company. So, to me, it’s pretty apparent that it was a “political” nomination. Save yourself the time and skip this one.

“The Inventor: Out for blood in Silicon Valley” Grade: D (65%); an HBO documentary detailing the corrupt business practices of Elizabeth Holmes. It would have been a decent watch except for two key elements: 1. There was no resolution. You have no idea how everything turns out. & 2. It really should have been a 20-minute Dateline piece, not an hour and a half documentary.

“Murder Mystery” Grade: D (65%); at first glance, seeing Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler headlining a quirky comedy sounds like it should be decent. This Netflix-based film, however, doesn’t do much to hold your attention beyond that. The movie could be fun at times, but stylistically, there was too much going on here, and what I mean by that is, in one scene the simplistic Saturday morning cartoon plot complexity and immaturity of the characters made you feel like you were watching a kid’s movie, while other scenes were trying to be adult-level serious with strong language. To save you the time, the butler did it.

“Zombieland 2: Double Tap” Grade: D- (63%); probably one of the year’s more anticipated films considering the first installment quickly became a cult-classic. While this sequel can be mindlessly fun in short spurts, the plotline is terribly predictable and has the depth of a stereotypical valley-girl (a character, by the way, that the film has). The comedy gets stale in a hurry, as you feel you are watching three to four Deadpools on the screen at once (uncoincidentally, the film was written by the creators of Deadpool). In theory, this sounds amazing, in actuality, it works against itself in tiresome fashion. Definitely save yourself the money and satisfy your curiosity later with a cheap on-demand rental come January or February when you’re trapped inside on a chilly evening.

“Game of Thrones” (Season 8) Grade: D- (62%); such a disappointing and awful ending to what was the greatest show in television history prior. Way too many plot holes, the neutering of Jon Snow’s character, and an obviously rushed finish with surprisingly sloppy writing. Although Season 7 of GoT ends with a cliffhanger and lots of anticipation for how the series will conclude, I tell all of my friends who haven’t watched the series yet to definitely watch it, but stop once Season 7 concludes. Don’t bother with Season 8 unless you want the whole experience ruined.

“The Two Popes” Grade: D- (62%); this film has been on many award deserving lists, and I honestly don’t know why. Usually, when you have Anthony Hopkins in a film combined with award-type hype, that’s a recipe for an all-time classic. Not the case here. This film depicting the current pope’s friendship with the previous pope is a snooze-fest and the production quality is just awful. Not sure where anybody is finding merit in this movie.

“One Day at Disney” Grade: D- (61%); this documentary features several different people who work for the Disney company and their journeys to the company and for the company. In all honesty, it’s not necessarily a “bad” film, its heart was in the right place so-to-speak, it’s just really dry and the stories don’t really inspire as the description advertises. A great little feature to fall asleep to though.

“6 Underground” Grade: F (58%); this Netflix-only film starring Ryan Reynolds is a train wreck narratively-speaking. It’s nothing more than a mindless, senseless sequence of unrealistic action-packed eye-candy scenes. So if it’s your cup of tea to not want to have to think AT ALL and just watch explosions, car chases, and gunfights, then you might like it. If not, this is a bore and a waste of time.

“Unicorn Store” Grade: F (57%); Academy Award-winning actress Brie Larson stars in and directs this terrible film. There are very few movies that I just stop watching because they are that large of a waste of my time (“Napolean Dynamite” & “The Tree of Life” are the only other two), but this makes that notorious list for me. There is nothing good about this movie that I saw, so I’m not going to devote any more time to critiquing it.

The Oscar year of February 2018 – January 2019 gave audiences some unanticipated surprises (Marvel actually made a couple of “good” movies, Netflix is stepping up their original movie game, and even the Star Wars galaxy had a quality entry), but nothing too spectacular in comparison to other years in the movies.

As many of you know, I used to write as a movie critic before embarking on a career as an author, educator, and life coach. My love for film has never waned and I’ve kept the series of “MD’s Movie Grade Guides” going since 2000 for the primary enjoyment of others. For a more detailed look at the criteria I use to “grade” a film, click here. Otherwise, I present to you (from the “worst” to the “best”) the 2018-19 rendition of “MD’s Movie Grade Guide”:

#26. “Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom” 

Grade: F (42%)

It’s hard to imagine that I’d MUCH rather watch my last year’s lowest graded film (“Smurfs: The Lost Village” 50%) many times over before watching this piece of hot garbage one more time, but it’s true. Though there are more Jurassic Park films being made, Fallen Kingdom is definitely “The Last Jedi” equivalent for this series.

#25. “The Cloverfield Paradox” 

Grade: F (52%)

Much like the Jurassic Park series, this is another series that went downhill in a hurry. The original Cloverfield was fantastic and brilliantly put together, truly A-caliber stuff, but the Cloverfield Lane sequel fizzled a bit, and now the bottom has fallen out with Paradox. As poorly as this film was put together and thought out, one would figure that J.J. Abrams had something to do with it. Wait a minute…

#24. “Tomb Raider”

Grade: F (58%)

Do you remember Chuck Norris? Yeah…this made me feel like I was watching old school USA Network with good ole Chuck again, except replace him with a scantily-clad girl. What could go wrong?

#23. “Mission Impossible: Fallout”

Grade: D- (63%)

Everybody was clamoring to tell me to see this movie, claiming that it was “actually really good”. It was not. Terribly cliched (all the way down to everybody being saved from a nuclear blast with 1 second left on the bomb) and the amount of things that Tom Cruise and company accomplish in 15 in-movie minutes (which takes close to an hour of actual real-time) is just comical. This was another film that just felt like J.J. Abrams had his fingerprints all over. Oh, wait a minute…

#22. “Blockers”

Grade: D (65%)

This film came highly recommended to me by several people who said it was a classic comedy. First off, John Cena can’t act. Second off, a man getting his testicles crushed is not funny. Third off, this film was an epic waste of time.

#21. “Student Athlete” 

Grade: C- (72%)

This is a documentary about student athletes not being paid by a corrupt NCAA. It has some good concepts and ideas in it, but it was awfully dry and drawn out. One could read a 1000 word ESPN article and get the gist of the topic just as well as this film depicted it.

#20. “Mowgli”

Grade: C- (73%)

It’s better than the Disney live-action Jungle Book debacle from a couple of years ago, and visually creative, but from a storytelling standpoint, this film is horribly predictable and thus, for the most part, boring.

#19. “Spielberg”

Grade: C (75%)

Another documentary that was featured on HBO which depicted the life and accomplishments of famed filmmaker Steven Spielberg. It was fine, but perhaps I was a bit “meh” about it because I had already studied Spielberg extensively in the past, so it offered nothing new for me. Maybe other people’s experiences with it would be different.

#18. “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Grade: C+ (77%)

Rami Malek absolutely kills it in his acting portrayal of Freddie Mercury, but the film itself was less than inspiring for a ‘Best Picture’ nominee. To me, it was a glorified music video featuring all of Queen’s greatest songs, where the ‘glorified’ parts were uninteresting and forced drama that created a muddled and boring story arch. For hardcore Queen fans, however, this may be the greatest movie of all-time.

#17. “Black Panther”

Grade: C+ (78%)

Wait…Marvel actually made a movie that I gave better than a ‘D’ grade to? Yes, it did (it actually made a few of them; keep reading). The film was visually stunning and had a magnificent soundtrack, but it’s predictability and formulaic structure ultimately prevented an otherwise good film from being much more than an average film. It has received a “political” ‘Best Picture’ nomination, but that’s too bad, because there’s actually another Marvel film that didn’t get such recognition and it was MUCH better.

#16. “Mary and the Witch’s Flower”

Grade: C+ (79%)

From the makers at what used to be Studio Ghibli, this animated feature was incredibly creative and beautiful to watch. The story was somewhat flat in parts, but the imagination in this film is off the charts.

#15. “Roma”

Grade: B- (80%)

Though this ‘Best Picture’ nominee had one of the most emotionally hard to watch scenes I’ve ever seen towards the end of it, it’s “real-life” style of filmmaking and storytelling was rather dull and uninspiring to me. It’s “if you are a woman, you shouldn’t trust men because they will leave you in the end and you will have to do it on your own” theme is tired and simply…untrue (though there are many on the “left” who praise this type of message and thus, it’s popularity). Fantastic cinematography though, perhaps the best in this year’s crop.

#14. “Deadpool 2” 

Grade: B- (81%)

Another Marvel movie, and I gave it a B grade? Though the first Deadpool was a better film all-around, this sequel didn’t disappoint (besides a really weird baby penis scene). Though I did hear that whatever Deadpool movie came out near Christmas was a catastrophe.

#13. “The Mule”

Grade: B- (82%)

I had high expectations for this film and it sadly let me down. It’s not a “bad” movie by any means, it’s just not “great”, and I’ve come to expect “greatness” out of Clint Eastwood. It’s got some humor, a decent story, and a powerful theme that wasn’t hit on as much as it should have been.

#12. “Red Sparrow”

Grade: B- (83%)

What a gritty performance by Jennifer Lawrence in this spy-thriller. The film had a realness to it that was brutal at times, but played well with the genre to create a genuine “good” movie. If you liked older films such as “Spy Game”, “The Last Castle”, and “Ronin”, you will enjoy this one.

#11. “Bird Box”

Grade: B (84%)

The only reason I watched this movie was because I am a Sandra Bullock fan, and I’m glad I did. The ideas that founded as the premise of the film were creative and carried out in an entertaining and suspenseful way. The ending of the movie was a little poor, but all-in-all, a really good film.

#10. “Fahrenheit 11/9”

Grade: B (85%)

I know Michael Moore is a polarizing figure in contemporary society, and I’ve learned to take his material with the biggest grain of salt imaginable, but this Moore film actually makes some fantastic points (though carried out in a very bias fashion) that are relevant and important to the fabric that makes up America. The film was hated by people on the “right” because, well…it’s Michael Moore, and hated by people on the “left” because Moore uses the premise that it is the “left’s” fault that Donald Trump ever got elected President in the first place, so the film was hardly seen by anybody and considered a box office flop of massive proportions, but if you can peel back the Michael Moore bias, it’s very well done.

#9. “A Star is Born”

Grade: B (85.5%)

To me, this is fringe-caliber ‘Best Picture’ material (e.g. the kind of movie that if they are struggling to come up with 8 or 9 nominees, to put on the ballot to fill it out). It had some really powerful themes and one memorable song, but in the end, it felt like it was missing the entire final act (if one was to analyze by a classical 3-act structure). It ends abruptly and without hope or inspiration when the film featured a theme (love and loss) that sets up an inspiring finish perfectly. And Bradley Cooper being nominated for ‘Best Actor’? Makes no sense to me, he was nothing special in this movie at all.

#8. “A Quiet Place”

Grade: B (86%)

Much like “Bird Box”, this film’s premise was very creative and built a foundation perfect for a suspense-thriller. Some have called it a horror film, but it’s nowhere near a horror film in my opinion. If you like “Bird Box”, you should check this one out as well.

#7. “Outside the Bubble: On the Road with Alexandra Pelosi”

Grade: B+ (87%)

An HBO documentary that features Alexandra Pelosi (yes, Nancy Pelosi’s daughter) travelling to different pockets of America to capture their ideologies and beliefs. Though Pelosi is definitely “left”-leaning in her other media creations, her goal in this film is to stay as neutral as possible and just listen to people from all walks of life. It’s an incredibly eye-opening piece in the sense that it leaves you thinking: “Oh my God, there are actually people like that living in our country…lots of people like that living in our country.”

#6. “Ready Player One”

Grade: B+ (89%)

Now this is how special effects and nostalgia is done! Forget that piece of trash “Pixels” from a few years ago. “Ready Player One” is a ton of fun and Steven Spielberg definitely goes back to his 80’s roots for this fun flick. On a serious note, it’s interesting to think about where virtual reality and video gaming will take us in the next 20 to 30 years.

#5. “Avengers: Infinity War”

Grade: A- (90%)

I can’t believe it (and I know none of you can either), but yes…a Marvel movie made my A-list. That hurt just typing that, but Infinity War is legitimately a “great” movie. For all of the absolute garbage that Marvel put out there leading up to this film (all of the standalone superhero movies), IW pays it off with a a marvelous (heh, see what I did there?) performance by Josh Brolin as Thanos and a storyline that proves superheroes aren’t invincible. Until this April when I’m sure Marvel will absolutely RUIN Infinity War by bringing all of the characters they killed back to life in cheesy fashion. I’m dreading the next Avengers flick more than any other Marvel film to date…

#4. “Solo: A Star Wars Story”

Grade: A- (90.5%)

This one also caught me by surprise after “The Last Jedi” effectively took the galaxy’s largest shit on the entire Star Wars franchise. Though Solo has a couple of cringe-worthy scenes (e.g. how Han Solo got his name & Wookie-wrestling in the mud) and a horrible “Last Jedi”-caliber character in L3, the film thankfully kills off that character in quick fashion and overcomes those couple of scenes with some good old-fashioned Star Wars fun the way the originals did it. And I loved Alden Ehrenreich’s portrayal of Han Solo, more than Harrison Ford’s portrayal of Han Solo in “The Force Awakens”. Great, fun film that belongs in the increasingly shrinking pantheon of “good” Star Wars movies.

#3. “Vice” 

Grade: A – (91%)

A worthy ‘Best Picture’ nominee that tells the behind-the-scenes story of Dick Cheney’s life. Christian Bale does an excellent acting job as Cheney, as does Sam Rockwell as George Bush Jr. The film’s, at times, eccentric style (e.g. Cheney and his wife breaking into tongue-in-cheek Shakespeare in bed) actually works against it, I think (and I normally love that kind of thing), and prevents it from being a straight A or A+ caliber of film.

#2. “BlackkKlansman”

Grade: A- (92%)

It’s funny to me that people have a problem with the “true story” elements of “Green Book”, but bot with “BlackkKlansman”, but that’s beside the point. This Spike Lee film is definitely worthy of it’s ‘Best Picture’ nomination, although it’s heavy-handedness in theme penalizes it at times in my evaluation. Though it is LOOSELY based on a true story, it’s still strange to me that they would have two people (one white, one black) playing the same “character” in the film instead of just letting the white person play the character entirely (both in real life and in the film). Oh well, it’s still a “great” film nonetheless.

#1. “Green Book”

Grade: A (94%)

This ‘Best Picture’ nominee is MD’s selection for “Best Picture” of the 2018-19 Movie Year. “Green Book” gives audiences a very good, Oscar-worthy story that entertains, makes you think, and in the end, makes you feel good afterwards. That’s the trifeca. I don’t want to spoil anything for you if you’ve not seen it, so just go check it out and let’s talk afterwards.

So there you have it folks! For what it’s worth, here’s who MD’s major awards would go to:

MD’s “Best Picture”: “Green Book”

MD’s “Best Actor”: Viggo Mortensen in “Green Book”

MD’s “Best Actress”: Jennifer Lawrence in “Red Sparrow”

MD’s “Best Visual Effects”: “Solo: A Star Wars Story”

MD’s “Best Score”: Ludwig Goransson for “Black Panther”

MD’s “Best Costume Design”: “Black Panther”

MD’s “Best Make-up and Hair”: “Avengers: Infinity War”

MD’s “Best Original Song”: “Shallow” from “A Star is Born”

MD’s “Best Sound Mixing & Editing”: “Bohemian Rhapsody”

MD’s “Best Film Editing”: “Roma”

MD’s “Best Cinematography”: “Bohemian Rhapsody”

MD’s “Best Screenplay”: “Green Book”

MD’s “Best Director”: Spike Lee for “BlackkKlansman”

MD’s “Best Supporting Actress”: I didn’t really see a performance this past year worthy of this

MD’s “Best Supporting Actor”: Mahershala Ali in “Green Book”

Over the past decade plus, many have enjoyed, debated, disagreed, and agreed with the “grades” that I’ve given the movies I’ve seen. As somebody who used to be a paid movie reviewer (before going to graduate school and pursuing a career in education), I understand that every critic has their own criteria for how to ultimately judge a film.

Mike’s Movie Grade Guide (since its creation in 2000) has always tried its best to align itself with Academy Award standards, meaning that I look at everything from costume design, makeup, choreography, and cinematography to the writing and acting performances themselves. As a published author, however, I admittedly place a great deal more on the quality of writing that informs the creative storytellers (e.g. Directors, Producers, and Actors) involved. Simply put, without “good” writing, the story is usually doomed to fail.

Times have dramatically shifted though in Hollywood since 2000, and one of the primary differences is what I call the “Marvelization” of movies. Gone are the days of solid, “good” action-adventure flicks (in the vein of films like “Die Hard”, “The Fugitive”, and “The Goonies”), and ushered in are the days where action films need displays of super human powers and over-the-top special effects at the expense of “good” writing. “Marvelized” movies (so-to-speak) will never compete for the Academy Award of ‘Best Picture’, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t sometimes fun to watch.

So while Mike’s Movie Grade Guide will continue to present a final grade in accordance to Academy Award-type standards, I’m introducing a new element to help readers figure out if a particular movie is for them or not, because I realize that not everybody goes to the movies to experience Academy Award type of brilliance. Some people go to just unplug from the world and they don’t need deep themes that make them think about life and how to be better human beings. Explosions, cheesy one-liners, and simple plotlines are exactly what they are looking for.

Mike’s Movie Grade Guide will now feature a “Certified Good” (CG), “Certified Fun” (CF), and “Certified Good & Fun” (CG&F) labels along with its grade (or no label at all).

“Certified Good” (CG) will be an indicator of if a film displays Academy Award type brilliance.

“Certified Fun” (CF) will be an indicator of if a film allows one to unplug from reality and forget the troubles of reality for 2+ hours.

“Certified Good & Fun” (CG&F) will be an indicator of if a film does both of the above.

Some examples of films that are “Good”, but not “Fun” are “Hurt Locker”, “Moonlight”, and “Schindler’s List”.

Some examples of films that are “Fun”, but not “Good” are “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”, “Fast and the Furious”, and just about any Will Ferrell movie.

Some examples of films that are both “Good” and “Fun” are “Forrest Gump”, “Gladiator”, and “Little Miss Sunshine”

Some examples of films that aren’t in either category are “The New World”, “Shooter”, and “The American”.

The Oscar year of February 2017 – January 2018 gave the movie-going world a lot to discuss. The most polarizing was the latest chapter in the “Star Wars” universe, the most likely to never talk about with your friends was provided in “Fifty Shades Darker”, the most overrated was released during the summer in “Wonder Woman”, undoubtedly there were sequels that got released but quickly forgotten by the masses because they were so bad (I’m looking at you “Resident Evil”, “John Wick”, “Pitch Perfect”, and “Transformers”), perhaps some sequels that were actually “good” (“Blade Runner”, “Spiderman”, and “Aliens”), and an arbitrary crop of ‘Best Picture’ nominees (“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”, “The Shape of Water”, “The Darkest Hour”, “Dunkirk”, “Get Out”, “Lady Bird”, “Phantom Thread”, “Call Me By Your Name”, and “The Post”) that represent some excellence.

As many of you know, I used to write as a movie critic before embarking on a career as an author and educator. My love for film has never waned and I’ve kept the series of “MD’s Movie Grade Guides” going since 2000 for the primary enjoyment of others. For a more detailed look at the criteria I use to “grade” a film, click here. Otherwise, I present to you (from the “worst” to the “best”) the 2017-18 rendition of “MD’s Movie Grade Guide”:

#27 “Smurfs: The Lost Village”

Grade: F (50%)

The vast majority of non-Pixar kid’s movies fall pretty low on the list, so one has to give them somewhat of a pass. What was most bothersome to me about this film, however, was the inappropriate sex appeal that the creative forces behind this film tried to give to Smurfette. One, it’s a kids movie that will most likely only be watched by parents looking for something other than Moana or Trolls on Netflix for their kid, and two, smurfs aren’t even human, so creating sex appeal for them? Not needed.

#26 “The Shack”

Grade: F (55%)

I’m not one to get offended by religious themes or messages in movies, but when a film a just a two hour soapbox ramming a particular ideology down your throat? It gets old, quick. If this was more like a movie instead of a sermon, it would have at least made my D-list.

#25 “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales”

Grade: F (59%)

My initial thought after seeing this film was ‘What a disappointment’, but really, if one is being completely objective, the entirety of the Pirates franchise isn’t very good at all. The very first one was okay because of Johnny Depp’s incredible acting job as Jack Sparrow, but then the rest are just horribly written, cheesy special effects-riddled bilge. It’s amazing how many of these films they’ve been able to make with audiences attending just to see if Johnny Depp can charm them once again. And he can’t. They’ve even pared down the character of Jack Sparrow to be so two-dimensional that good ole Johnny can’t save it. What a waste of two hours.

#24 “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Grade: D- (62%; CF)

Easily the worst Star Wars film in the franchise. Click here to read a more detailed review, but in short, Luke milking alien boobs, space Leia, Force Skyping, ‘your mom’ jokes, pointless casino planet, no gas stations in space for the good guys, and no bad guys smart enough to simply fly ahead of the good guys and cut them off. Great soundtrack though. Seriously, it’s the only redeeming quality.

#23 “Wonder Woman”

Grade: D- (63%)

I’m all for women’s rights and progressive activism, but this film clearly got waaaaaaaaaaay too much credit because of what is (thankfully) happening in first-world cultures around the globe (e.g. Women’s Marches, equal rights, Free the Nipple movement, etc.). Simply put, this isn’t a very good film in any aspect. The special effects are over the top, the casting is poor, the end fight sequence is just beyond words stupid, the straight up racist archetypes are in your face (they even call the Native American “Chief”), and the story has a gazillion plot holes in it. A good portion of the movie is just Wonder Woman blocking bullets (in very uncoordinated fashion mind you) or flying straight at your living room in slow motion while striking a cheesy “superhero” pose. And for those who liked the film for “empowering” women by finally centering a film around a heroine within a genre that is dominated by males, I actually think Wonder Woman (the character) enhances and perfectly embodies the negative stereotypes of women that American culture generally holds (e.g. one being: women aren’t as smart as men; WW comes off as a bimbo and must rely on a man to get the answers for her). I really don’t know why so many people enjoyed this film.

#22 “Saving Capitalism”

Grade: D (65%)

The information in this documentary about the economics of America, where we’ve come from, and where we are headed is solid, but my word, Robert Reich has put together a dry snooze-fest here. The pacing is incredibly slow, the information is dense, and he doesn’t really relate any of the information to the viewer and how it specifically affects their lives and why they should care. It’s good to through on though if you are looking for something to help you into an afternoon siesta.

#21 “Baby Boss”

Grade: D (65.5%)

Another non-Pixar kid’s movie, so unsurprisingly it falls pretty far down on the grade guide. Alec Baldwin does a great voice acting job here, and the story (albeit forecasted from a mile away) is not intolerable. It was on Netflix, and again, I thought it would be better than watching Moana for the 1,000^th time with my daughter. I was wrong.

#20 “Fifty Shades Darker”

Grade: D (66%)

This is undeniably a terrible film about a megalomaniacal control freak trying to live out his daydream fantasy. The writing is awful, the acting is awful, the pacing is awful, but as a guy knowingly watching what should really be considered a soft porn, the main actress isn’t terrible to look at. Though, I’m puzzled by these films. The book franchise is written for women, you’d think the films would give the ladies more to look at, right? Poorly done.

#19 “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2”

Grade: D+ (69%; CF)

I really enjoyed the first Guardians film, but come on, it’s Marvel. We knew it couldn’t help but to muck up one of the rare things they did well with bathroom humor, cheesy special effects, and two-dimensional characters (there’s literally NO point to having Drax’s character in the film). If Hollywood was a baseball team, Marvel would be the hot, ripped guy (e.g. Tim Tebow) who is only there because he sells tickets, and although he strikes out 9 out of 10 times, nobody seems to care. Those who enjoy “good” films can only hope that every once in a great while, they make something decent (e.g. Deadpool and Guardians 1). Inevitably though, they mess it up. Guardians 2 is just another affirmation of this.

#18 “Beauty and the Beast”

Grade: C- (70%)

By and large, a colossal disappointment compared to the hype which surrounded it. It was nice to see Emma Watson in something not Harry Potter, but the film had too many shortcomings to rescue a decent performance by her. Of course, I did ultimately find this live action adaptation better than Disney’s other foray into transforming a classic animated feature (“Jungle Book”). Up next in the live action remake series is “The Lion King” and “Aladdin”. Hopefully Disney doesn’t ruin those as well.

#17: “Bright”

Grade: C- (71%)

You know, there’s actually a lot of really brilliant creativity in this straight to Netflix film starring Will Smith, and for as many brilliant moments of writing that this movie had at times, it decimates them with cringeworthy one-liners, some unforgivable plot holes, and an ending that just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But if you’ve got Netflix and nothing better to do on a snowy or rainy day, it’s not a complete waste of two hours.

#16 “Logan”

Grade: C- (72%)

I had high hopes for this film due to so many who told me it was really good and not like your typical Marvel film (I tend to be tough on Marvel movies, but only because they genuinely suck 99/100 times), and while yes, it’s not like your typical Marvel mess, it’s also not anything incredible. The pacing is quite slow and I don’t know, there’s just something not right about seeing Patrick Stewart playing a senile Professor X. It reminded me of that unofficial James Bond movie, “Never Say Never Again”, where an old Sean Connery reprises the role of Bond, but he’s essentially running amuck in a retirement home with a decrepit Dr. No. Just something not right about it. Same with this film and its place in the X-Men universe.

#15 “Ghost in the Shell”

Grade: C (74%; CF)

As someone who absolutely loved the Ghost in the Shell anime series, this movie does it some justice, but inevitably, it was impossible for the filmmakers to cram several seasons worth of content into a two-hour window. While the consequent storyline is a mess and the lack of character development makes it difficult to really “get into”, it was visually stunning, the special effects were on point, and the sound editing and sound mixing were some of the best I’ve seen in a while.

#14 “Spiderman: Homecoming”

Grade: C (75%; CF)

Wait, what? I gave a Marvel movie a decent grade? To be honest, I would have never watched this film if it weren’t for my 14 year old brother who bought the movie and offered to lend it to me. It just didn’t make sense why Marvel kept rebooting Spiderman for what seemed like the 10^th time, but I actually really enjoyed Tom Holland’s portrayal of Peter Parker the best of any of the iterations in the series. Yeah, there are some really dumb special effects and horribly cheesy fight sequences, but that comes with the territory for Marvel. What doesn’t normally come with the territory for Marvel is character development, and the creative forces behind Homecoming actually devoted some serious time to Peter Parker’s character, and it paid off. This is almost as good as it gets for Marvel –  a hard ‘C’.

#13 “Get Out”

Grade: C (76%)

Okay, this film is up for ‘Best Picture’, and I really can’t figure out why besides the Academy of Motion Picture’s need to make sure #Oscarssowhite doesn’t get any attention in this year’s Oscars (the film’s director as well as lead actor are both African American). The film has some intriguing moments, but the ending is just one of the biggest shit shows I’ve seen in a long time. As if they spent two hours toiling in suspense and trying to build tension and suddenly realized they needed to abruptly end it in five minutes, and really, there’s only one way to do that – kill everybody off. I found the storyline to be quite predictable, to the point of boredom, and most of the characters are quite flat and static throughout the film. It’s not a terrible film, but it’s definitely NOT ‘Best Picture’ caliber.

#12 “Alien: Covenant”

Grade: B- (80%; CF)

The first film to make an appearance on my B-list was a bit of a shocker to me. I fully expected this movie to just be horrific, but it was actually pretty decent, especially considering how far down in the crapper the Alien series had fallen since Alien 3. Covenant gets itself in trouble a bit with trying to explain the origin of the Alien species in exact detail (think Star Wars Episode I going out of its way to try to explain the Force using midichlorians), and there are some bad special effects moments, but on the whole, this is quite the step up for the Aliens franchise.

#11 “The Big Sick”

Grade: B- (83%)

I get a lot of grief from many of my friends that I don’t enjoy comedy movies, and that’s just not true. The problem with modern comedy is that big studios follow the money, and the money is typically made from “bathroom humor”, fart jokes, slapstick routines, and general buffoonery (e.g. “Ted”, “Napolean Dynamite”, and just about every Will Ferrell movie ever made). Why is this? I don’t know, I’ve always been at a loss for words for those type of movies and why anybody would ever waste not only their time, but also their money watching such uninspired filth. “The Big Sick”, however, breaks away from this mold (for the most part – there’s still some crude bathroom humor in it unfortunately). The comedy is very dry and rooted in sarcasm and darkness. It’s a much more serious attempt at comedy (an oxymoron, I know, due to the current state of comedy in Hollywood), and thus, it’s fresh and has real themes that people can relate to in it. It’s definitely worth checking out if you’ve not seen it.

#10 “Dunkirk”

Grade: B (84%)

The next two films in the grade guide are both up for ‘Best Picture’ and both deal with the same historical events in World War II. “Dunkirk” by no means is a terrible film, but it’s definitely no “Saving Private Ryan” or “Apocalypse Now” if you’re catching my drift. There are a few glaring reasons why it misses my A-list. For one, there’s an annoying ticking mechanism in the background of the entire film. The film’s director said this was an aesthetic choice they made to try to build tension throughout the movie and keep the audience on the edge of their seats. To me, if you are in the editing room looking at a proof of your movie and you recognize that it lacks tension, this isn’t something you can simply fix by adding an annoying ticking in the background. It needed to be caught way before editing. And for two, the film arguably doesn’t capture what Dunkirk even was, what it meant in the context of World War II, or the importance of the outcome – all aspects that really ought to have been addressed considering the title.

#9 “The Darkest Hour”

Grade: B (84.5%)

Who would’ve known that Winston Churchill was such an ass if it weren’t for this film? I mean, there’s all kinds of great, “inspiring” quotes that he said out there, and he’s considered the most important Brit to have ever lived. Simply put, this film portrays Churchill as the Donald Trump of his time, and the sad part is that they consider him a hero for the decisions that he made. Regardless though, it’s no secret that Hollywood is by and large controlled and run by Jewish men, so by nature, movies that show Hitler or the Nazis losing in the end seem to be the gold standard for earning a ‘Best Picture’ nod. I did, ultimately, find the film to be decent, but as soon as the credits rolled, my wife and I looked at each other and both said in unison: “Why is that up for Best Picture?” To sum it up quite simply, it’s a lot of Gary Oldman (playing Churchill) screaming and yelling.

#8 “Only the Brave”

Grade: B (85%; CG)

You know, I would have never watched this movie either if it weren’t for a few people recommending it to me. I remember seeing a trailer for it in theaters and thinking: ‘Who goes and watches those kind of movies?’ Well, pie in my face, this movie was pretty darn good, and it’s about as true a story as any “based on a true story” film can be. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I’ll just say that it’s about a crew of hotshot firefighters down in Arizona. Great acting performances in it, some relatable themes for all, and it leaves you really thinking about life and purpose.

#7 “The Post”

Grade: B (85.5%; CG)

Another ‘Best Picture’ nominee that by and large left me disappointed. Now, making my B-list is good, but I expect ‘Best Picture’ candidates to be on my A-list. Especially when they have Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep in them. When the Oscar nominations first came out, I read that it was one of the biggest snubs that Tom Hanks wasn’t nominated for ‘Best Actor’, but then I saw the movie, and you know what? As ridiculous as some of the nominations were, the Academy got it right by leaving Hanks off the docket. Streep was nominated for ‘Best Actress’, but that’s all political as she’s a Hollywood darling; her performance was also uninspiring. The film itself was okay, but it really does itself a disservice by being a ‘Best Picture’ nominee; because of this, the audience’s expectations are way too high, and it’s impossible for it to live up to such standards.

#6 “Lady Bird”

Grade: B+ (89%; CG)

This film is fringe ‘Best Picture’ material. It does have the nomination, and as well written, well acted, well filmed, and well thought out that it was, the themes of finding one’s self-identity and purpose in the world are really targeted at the teenage and young adult audience member. For those in that demographic who grapple with finding their identity and purpose, this would easily be an A+ experience. For those outside of that demographic or who have a solid sense of identity and purpose in life, it’s a good, solid film that will make you reminisce a bit about your past and the way you may or may not have treated others.

#5 “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Grade: A- (90%; CG)

This film is definitely deserving of the ‘Best Picture’ nomination it received. Some have criticized the open-endedness of film, calling it “sloppy” storytelling with no resolution, but honestly, the meaning of the film is in its subtleness, and that’s extremely difficult to pull off. It’s brilliant writing in my opinion. Though I must admit, much like “The Hurt Locker”, it’s a movie that was really really good, but I certainly don’t care to ever watch it again. That may sound really strange, but it’s a horribly depressing movie. Excellent though. Worth a watch, but only one.

#4 “The Shape of Water”

Grade: A- (91%; CG)

One of my hardcore movie buddies called this film “Oscar-bait”, and he’s right. It’s up for ‘Best Picture’ (and should probably win it in my opinion, given the candidates anyway) as well as a slew of other categories, which it will probably take. And don’t get me wrong, it’s charming, it’s visually stunning to look at, it’s got a great score, the acting is superb, and the special effects are not over the top (which is how they should be used). It’s a throwback to the cliché, fairytale-esque 1950’s that we grew accustom to in films like “Edward Scissorhands” and “Big Fish”. It’s a really good movie, but what makes me sad is that it could have easily been an A+, all-time classic if the writing was better. Instead of Sally Hawkins’ character being able to indulge in a romantic relationship with “The Asset”, I think the film would have been much more powerful if their “differences” made such a relationship impossible even though they both yearn for it. Leave it up to the audience’s imagination with how the movie ends. It would have represented a true fairytale much better that way as well.

#3 “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power”

Grade: A- (92%; CG)

I’ve not seen the nominees for ‘Best Documentary Feature’ to be fair, but the fact that this film was left out of the nominations is a travesty. When the first one came out (“An Inconvenient Truth”) ten years ago, many criticized the science and statistics that Al Gore used to suggest that global warming was, in fact, real. This documentary takes all of the same studies and measures presented in “An Inconvenient Truth” and shows you what they look like ten years later. And the results are staggering. You want a film that is an eye-opener, you won’t be disappointed with this.

#2 “Blade Runner 2049”

Grade: A- (92.5%; CG&F)

If you look back in my blog posts, you’ll find an entry about the top 10 movie sequels NOT to look forward to, and this was in there. Well, pie in my face again. This is one of the most visually-stunning films I’ve seen in a long time (probably back to when “Avatar” was released). Ryan Gosling (who I generally am not impressed with) was on-point and surprisingly perfect for the role he was given, and Harrison Ford reprises the role of Rick Deckard in fantastic fashion. Many critics agreed that the film was outstanding, but it absolutely bombed in the box office because of it’s close to 3 hour runtime. That’s unfortunate, really, because if a movie is excellent from start to finish, I don’t care if it’s 10 hours long, I’ll watch it and eat it up. This is filmmaking at its finest, and I’ve never been so happy to be wrong about a movie in my life. Definitely worth watching.

#1 “The Greatest Showman”

Grade: A+ (97%; CG&F)

Hands-down, this is an all-time classic. The Academy of Motion Pictures allegedly (and intentionally) left this film out of the Academy Awards because it didn’t want to reward or recognize something that glorified P.T. Barnum (whom Hugh Jackman plays). Apparently the real-life Barnum was a pretty horrible human being who unabashedly abused women both physically and sexually (none of that is represented or even hinted at in the movie), and as many of you may know, Hollywood is ablaze with sexual harassment scandals right now, so I get the intentional snub from the Oscars. This walk down history-lane, however, shouldn’t take away from the fact that it is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. My wife and I walked out of the theater on Cloud 9. She looked at me and said: “I’ve never felt this way after watching a movie before. I feel so happy and just…full of energy!” I looked back at her and said: “Now that’s what the movies are all about.” Ten years ago, heck five years ago before we lived in such a politically-correct and hyper-sensitive world, there would be no reason to watch the Academy Awards on Sunday. “The Greatest Showman” would sweep the field.

So there you have it folks! For what it’s worth, here’s where MD’s major awards would go to:

MD’s “Best Picture”: “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Actor”: Hugh Jackman in “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Actress”: Frances McDormand in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

MD’s “Best Visual Effects”: “Blade Runner 2049”

MD’s “Best Score”: John Williams for “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

MD’s “Best Costume Design”: “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Make-up and Hair”: “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Original Song”: Anything from “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Sound Mixing & Editing”: “Blade Runner 2049”

MD’s “Best Film Editing”: “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Cinematography”: “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Screenplay”: “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

MD’s “Best Director”: Michael Gracey for “The Greatest Showman”

MD’s “Best Supporting Actress”: Laurie Metcalf in “Lady Bird”

MD’s “Best Supporting Actor”: Woody Harrelson in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI REVIEW

If you google movies that have a ‘Your Mom’ joke in them, you will get a laundry list of films like: “White Chicks”, “Scary Movie 2”, “Phat Girlz”, “Yo Momma”, and “Your Momma’s Sweet Ass”. You can now add “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” (TLJ) to that list. Yes, in the opening minute of the movie, Resistance pilot Poe Dameron cracks a ‘Your Mom’ joke to the leading commander of the First Order, followed up with a tongue-in-cheek insult calling the Commander ‘white’ and ‘pasty’.

From the get-go, TLJ displays a brand of ridiculous slapstick humor that not even Jar Jar Binks could compete with. From Jedi Master Luke Skywalker tickling main protagonist Rey’s hand with a blade of grass to joke about the Force and main antagonist Kylo Ren having his shirt off during an awkward Force Skype session with Rey to Resistance droid BB-8 launching coins at baddies to knock them out and General Leia Organa telling the aforementioned Poe Dameron to get his head out of his cockpit, the writing in the latest Star Wars installment was easily the worst to date. Not only does the film’s humor and dialogue not fit the Star Wars universe (e.g. Stormtrooper turned Resistance fighter Finn calling his nemesis, Captain Phasma, a “chromedome”, and Jedi Master Luke Skywalker calling lightsabers “laser swords” just to name a couple more examples), the actual plotline is uninspiring, dull, and non-sensical. To put it simply, never in the history of Star Wars has petrol (or fuel) been a concern. When we go to watch Star Wars, there is an acceptable level of suspending one’s disbelief (a movie term that assumes the audience will overlook aspects such as characters needing to use the restroom). Making sure your starship has gas would fall under that category, and TLJ spends 75% of the storyline concerned with running out of fuel. Yet, the storytellers of the film want the audience to suspend their sense of disbelief in situations that beg for logical explanation (e.g. Finn and Rose conveniently being placed in a prison cell with a master lockpicker and code breaker (horribly acted by Benicio Del Toro I should add) that completes their mission because he could break out of the cell at any time in two seconds, or the fact that Finn and Rose are captured and getting ready to be executed in front of about three hundred stormtroopers when the Star Destroyer gets dealt a major blow by a Resistance cruiser; the next time they cut to the hanger, it’s just Finn and Rose all alone in the now burning hanger where they were about to get executed and eventually, Captain Phasma and a few stormtroopers appear from some clearing smoke. I mean, where did the previous 300 stormtroopers in the hanger go who were making sure Finn and Rey had no chance of escape?).

Another aspect of the film’s god-awful writing comes in how they handled Luke Skywalker’s character. In the classic trilogy, Luke was stubborn in regard to doing the right thing, even against any tall odds he met. Luke’s character also didn’t have a “funny” bone in his body, leaving the humor to companions such as Han Solo, R2-D2, and C-3PO. In TLJ, Luke’s character has been completely neutered to the point where he is a lonely hermit who just wants to die, yet, he tries to create humor (e.g. the aforementioned grass tickle scene as well as a horrifically stupid shoulder brush off moment near the end of the film). Not sure what the writers of TLJ were thinking, but depressed and funny usually don’t go together well in the same character. Regardless, it is also portrayed that Luke Skywalker entertained the thought of murdering Ben Solo (future Kylo Ren) when he was training under the Jedi Master in the past, which is what turned Han and Leia’s son to the dark side. Luke, Mr. “No, I’ll never join the dark side. I’m a Jedi, like my father before me” would never be tempted enough to murder one of his students. TLJ just degrades the iconic and legendary figure of Luke Skywalker beyond identification, to the point where he is milking giant alien breasts…no really, Luke milks giant alien breasts in the movie. But even if you don’t agree with my thoughts on Luke Skywalker’s character, the actor who plays Luke, Mark Hamill, even hated the script and the way they handled his character to the point where he said that he had to pretend it wasn’t Luke in order to go through with filming. Hamill’s actual quote after the film’s release was: “what could have happened that would make the most hopeful, optimistic character [in the galaxy] end up in this dark place? I had to think of Luke as another character. Maybe he’s Jake Skywalker – he’s not my Luke Skywalker.”

Another aspect of the writing that drove me crazy was the fact that 90% of the scenes in the movie display a character telling you why the scene is in the movie (e.g. Towards the end of the film, the entire Resistance seems to be trapped in a bunker with no way out. When Luke Skywalker appears and goes to confront the First Order by himself on the battlefield, Finn wants to help out, but Poe stops him, blatantly saying: “No, Skywalker is doing this for a reason!” Members of the Resistance then ask where all of the crystal wolves that were trapped with them in the bunker went. The next shot shows one of the crystal wolves bolting into a back corner and under some rocks. Cut to Poe saying: “Over there! There’s got to be an exit where that critter went. Follow me!” Like, no shit Sherlock…). As someone who teaches “good” writing, I always tell aspiring writers to show the reader, don’t tell the reader. This is magnified even more in film. TLJ is one gigantic ‘tell the viewer’ instead of ‘show the viewer’, as if the movie-viewing IQ of audience-goers is zero or near zero.

There are some popular reasons why the majority of Star Wars fans despise TLJ, things like Space Leia (by far…and I mean, BY FAR the dumbest moment in Star Wars movie history), the unanswered questions behind who Supreme Leader Snoke was, why hadn’t Leia contacted her so-called “allies” in the Outer Rim waaaaaay before the Resistance was down to about 300 members at the beginning of the film?, why kill off a fan-favorite in Admiral Ackbar (offscreen I might add!) and introduce an extremely poor character in Admiral Holdo to lead the Resistance fleet?, what’s the point of the entire casino animal rights break onto Snoke’s Star Destroyer sequence of the film (seriously though, the only significant plot point resolved in about 45 minutes of screen time is the demise of Captain Phasma, which really, isn’t significant considering she’s nowhere else in the film)?, enough with the Death Star type lasers (they use one on the salt planet at the end to get through the Resistance’s bunker, however, when it goes off, despite being “Death Star tech”, makes the smallest of small holes in the bunker wall lol), and why does Luke die at the end of the film (my joke is that Mark Hamill wanted out of the shit show Disney is making of Star Wars)? I could have focused on any of these horribly conceived aspects, but that stuff is already out there. I wanted to make give some fresh takes with my review regarding the horrible writing, cringeworthy slapstick humor, and absolute failure in how to handle the character of Luke Skywalker.

The first time I watched the film, I did enjoy it despite its massive shortcomings. Rian Johnson successfully captured the buffoonery of the prequel trilogy, while creating some nostalgic moments of the classic trilogy in the film’s score (thank you John Williams), while creating his own “new” brand of Star Wars, a brand that unsurprisingly follows the formula of modern Marvel movies. In a way, what Johnson did is brilliant, where the film fails is that two aspects of the three-tiered formula suck (the Star Wars prequels and “Marvelized” movies). TLJ and the forces behind it, however, are now reaping the spoils or backlash or however you want to look at it that they deserve. Yes, the film was the 2^nd highest grossing on it’s opening weekend of all-time (making the executives behind it and Disney in general a “winner”), however, according to Forbes, the drop off in box office sales between the film’s first weekend and second weekend after release is the greatest ever seen in movie history. This tells me (and it should tell you also) one thing: the movie isn’t very “good”. This not so nice record to have tells us that the film has absolutely no re-watch quality (which it doesn’t; all of the slapstick jokes lose their appeal after the first time), and the majority of the people who saw it on opening weekend are telling their friends and families not to bother seeing it because it is so poorly done (and that’s accurate; if you haven’t seen it, I would save your money and wait for Redbox, if at all).

GRADE: (a generous) D- (62%) CF