The Oscar year of February 2017 – January 2018 gave the movie-going world a lot to discuss. The most polarizing was the latest chapter in the “Star Wars” universe, the most likely to never talk about with your friends was provided in “Fifty Shades Darker”, the most overrated was released during the summer in “Wonder Woman”, undoubtedly there were sequels that got released but quickly forgotten by the masses because they were so bad (I’m looking at you “Resident Evil”, “John Wick”, “Pitch Perfect”, and “Transformers”), perhaps some sequels that were actually “good” (“Blade Runner”, “Spiderman”, and “Aliens”), and an arbitrary crop of ‘Best Picture’ nominees (“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”, “The Shape of Water”, “The Darkest Hour”, “Dunkirk”, “Get Out”, “Lady Bird”, “Phantom Thread”, “Call Me By Your Name”, and “The Post”) that represent some excellence.
As many of you know, I used to write as a movie critic before embarking on a career as an author and educator. My love for film has never waned and I’ve kept the series of “MD’s Movie Grade Guides” going since 2000 for the primary enjoyment of others. For a more detailed look at the criteria I use to “grade” a film, click here. Otherwise, I present to you (from the “worst” to the “best”) the 2017-18 rendition of “MD’s Movie Grade Guide”:
#27 “Smurfs: The Lost Village”
Grade: F (50%)
The vast majority of non-Pixar kid’s movies fall pretty low on the list, so one has to give them somewhat of a pass. What was most bothersome to me about this film, however, was the inappropriate sex appeal that the creative forces behind this film tried to give to Smurfette. One, it’s a kids movie that will most likely only be watched by parents looking for something other than Moana or Trolls on Netflix for their kid, and two, smurfs aren’t even human, so creating sex appeal for them? Not needed.
#26 “The Shack”
Grade: F (55%)
I’m not one to get offended by religious themes or messages in movies, but when a film a just a two hour soapbox ramming a particular ideology down your throat? It gets old, quick. If this was more like a movie instead of a sermon, it would have at least made my D-list.
#25 “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales”
Grade: F (59%)
My initial thought after seeing this film was ‘What a disappointment’, but really, if one is being completely objective, the entirety of the Pirates franchise isn’t very good at all. The very first one was okay because of Johnny Depp’s incredible acting job as Jack Sparrow, but then the rest are just horribly written, cheesy special effects-riddled bilge. It’s amazing how many of these films they’ve been able to make with audiences attending just to see if Johnny Depp can charm them once again. And he can’t. They’ve even pared down the character of Jack Sparrow to be so two-dimensional that good ole Johnny can’t save it. What a waste of two hours.
#24 “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”
Grade: D- (62%; CF)
Easily the worst Star Wars film in the franchise. Click here to read a more detailed review, but in short, Luke milking alien boobs, space Leia, Force Skyping, ‘your mom’ jokes, pointless casino planet, no gas stations in space for the good guys, and no bad guys smart enough to simply fly ahead of the good guys and cut them off. Great soundtrack though. Seriously, it’s the only redeeming quality.
#23 “Wonder Woman”
Grade: D- (63%)
I’m all for women’s rights and progressive activism, but this film clearly got waaaaaaaaaaay too much credit because of what is (thankfully) happening in first-world cultures around the globe (e.g. Women’s Marches, equal rights, Free the Nipple movement, etc.). Simply put, this isn’t a very good film in any aspect. The special effects are over the top, the casting is poor, the end fight sequence is just beyond words stupid, the straight up racist archetypes are in your face (they even call the Native American “Chief”), and the story has a gazillion plot holes in it. A good portion of the movie is just Wonder Woman blocking bullets (in very uncoordinated fashion mind you) or flying straight at your living room in slow motion while striking a cheesy “superhero” pose. And for those who liked the film for “empowering” women by finally centering a film around a heroine within a genre that is dominated by males, I actually think Wonder Woman (the character) enhances and perfectly embodies the negative stereotypes of women that American culture generally holds (e.g. one being: women aren’t as smart as men; WW comes off as a bimbo and must rely on a man to get the answers for her). I really don’t know why so many people enjoyed this film.
#22 “Saving Capitalism”
Grade: D (65%)
The information in this documentary about the economics of America, where we’ve come from, and where we are headed is solid, but my word, Robert Reich has put together a dry snooze-fest here. The pacing is incredibly slow, the information is dense, and he doesn’t really relate any of the information to the viewer and how it specifically affects their lives and why they should care. It’s good to through on though if you are looking for something to help you into an afternoon siesta.
#21 “Baby Boss”
Grade: D (65.5%)
Another non-Pixar kid’s movie, so unsurprisingly it falls pretty far down on the grade guide. Alec Baldwin does a great voice acting job here, and the story (albeit forecasted from a mile away) is not intolerable. It was on Netflix, and again, I thought it would be better than watching Moana for the 1,000th time with my daughter. I was wrong.
#20 “Fifty Shades Darker”
Grade: D (66%)
This is undeniably a terrible film about a megalomaniacal control freak trying to live out his daydream fantasy. The writing is awful, the acting is awful, the pacing is awful, but as a guy knowingly watching what should really be considered a soft porn, the main actress isn’t terrible to look at. Though, I’m puzzled by these films. The book franchise is written for women, you’d think the films would give the ladies more to look at, right? Poorly done.
#19 “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2”
Grade: D+ (69%; CF)
I really enjoyed the first Guardians film, but come on, it’s Marvel. We knew it couldn’t help but to muck up one of the rare things they did well with bathroom humor, cheesy special effects, and two-dimensional characters (there’s literally NO point to having Drax’s character in the film). If Hollywood was a baseball team, Marvel would be the hot, ripped guy (e.g. Tim Tebow) who is only there because he sells tickets, and although he strikes out 9 out of 10 times, nobody seems to care. Those who enjoy “good” films can only hope that every once in a great while, they make something decent (e.g. Deadpool and Guardians 1). Inevitably though, they mess it up. Guardians 2 is just another affirmation of this.
#18 “Beauty and the Beast”
Grade: C- (70%)
By and large, a colossal disappointment compared to the hype which surrounded it. It was nice to see Emma Watson in something not Harry Potter, but the film had too many shortcomings to rescue a decent performance by her. Of course, I did ultimately find this live action adaptation better than Disney’s other foray into transforming a classic animated feature (“Jungle Book”). Up next in the live action remake series is “The Lion King” and “Aladdin”. Hopefully Disney doesn’t ruin those as well.
#17: “Bright”
Grade: C- (71%)
You know, there’s actually a lot of really brilliant creativity in this straight to Netflix film starring Will Smith, and for as many brilliant moments of writing that this movie had at times, it decimates them with cringeworthy one-liners, some unforgivable plot holes, and an ending that just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But if you’ve got Netflix and nothing better to do on a snowy or rainy day, it’s not a complete waste of two hours.
#16 “Logan”
Grade: C- (72%)
I had high hopes for this film due to so many who told me it was really good and not like your typical Marvel film (I tend to be tough on Marvel movies, but only because they genuinely suck 99/100 times), and while yes, it’s not like your typical Marvel mess, it’s also not anything incredible. The pacing is quite slow and I don’t know, there’s just something not right about seeing Patrick Stewart playing a senile Professor X. It reminded me of that unofficial James Bond movie, “Never Say Never Again”, where an old Sean Connery reprises the role of Bond, but he’s essentially running amuck in a retirement home with a decrepit Dr. No. Just something not right about it. Same with this film and its place in the X-Men universe.
#15 “Ghost in the Shell”
Grade: C (74%; CF)
As someone who absolutely loved the Ghost in the Shell anime series, this movie does it some justice, but inevitably, it was impossible for the filmmakers to cram several seasons worth of content into a two-hour window. While the consequent storyline is a mess and the lack of character development makes it difficult to really “get into”, it was visually stunning, the special effects were on point, and the sound editing and sound mixing were some of the best I’ve seen in a while.
#14 “Spiderman: Homecoming”
Grade: C (75%; CF)
Wait, what? I gave a Marvel movie a decent grade? To be honest, I would have never watched this film if it weren’t for my 14 year old brother who bought the movie and offered to lend it to me. It just didn’t make sense why Marvel kept rebooting Spiderman for what seemed like the 10th time, but I actually really enjoyed Tom Holland’s portrayal of Peter Parker the best of any of the iterations in the series. Yeah, there are some really dumb special effects and horribly cheesy fight sequences, but that comes with the territory for Marvel. What doesn’t normally come with the territory for Marvel is character development, and the creative forces behind Homecoming actually devoted some serious time to Peter Parker’s character, and it paid off. This is almost as good as it gets for Marvel – a hard ‘C’.
#13 “Get Out”
Grade: C (76%)
Okay, this film is up for ‘Best Picture’, and I really can’t figure out why besides the Academy of Motion Picture’s need to make sure #Oscarssowhite doesn’t get any attention in this year’s Oscars (the film’s director as well as lead actor are both African American). The film has some intriguing moments, but the ending is just one of the biggest shit shows I’ve seen in a long time. As if they spent two hours toiling in suspense and trying to build tension and suddenly realized they needed to abruptly end it in five minutes, and really, there’s only one way to do that – kill everybody off. I found the storyline to be quite predictable, to the point of boredom, and most of the characters are quite flat and static throughout the film. It’s not a terrible film, but it’s definitely NOT ‘Best Picture’ caliber.
#12 “Alien: Covenant”
Grade: B- (80%; CF)
The first film to make an appearance on my B-list was a bit of a shocker to me. I fully expected this movie to just be horrific, but it was actually pretty decent, especially considering how far down in the crapper the Alien series had fallen since Alien 3. Covenant gets itself in trouble a bit with trying to explain the origin of the Alien species in exact detail (think Star Wars Episode I going out of its way to try to explain the Force using midichlorians), and there are some bad special effects moments, but on the whole, this is quite the step up for the Aliens franchise.
#11 “The Big Sick”
Grade: B- (83%)
I get a lot of grief from many of my friends that I don’t enjoy comedy movies, and that’s just not true. The problem with modern comedy is that big studios follow the money, and the money is typically made from “bathroom humor”, fart jokes, slapstick routines, and general buffoonery (e.g. “Ted”, “Napolean Dynamite”, and just about every Will Ferrell movie ever made). Why is this? I don’t know, I’ve always been at a loss for words for those type of movies and why anybody would ever waste not only their time, but also their money watching such uninspired filth. “The Big Sick”, however, breaks away from this mold (for the most part – there’s still some crude bathroom humor in it unfortunately). The comedy is very dry and rooted in sarcasm and darkness. It’s a much more serious attempt at comedy (an oxymoron, I know, due to the current state of comedy in Hollywood), and thus, it’s fresh and has real themes that people can relate to in it. It’s definitely worth checking out if you’ve not seen it.
#10 “Dunkirk”
Grade: B (84%)
The next two films in the grade guide are both up for ‘Best Picture’ and both deal with the same historical events in World War II. “Dunkirk” by no means is a terrible film, but it’s definitely no “Saving Private Ryan” or “Apocalypse Now” if you’re catching my drift. There are a few glaring reasons why it misses my A-list. For one, there’s an annoying ticking mechanism in the background of the entire film. The film’s director said this was an aesthetic choice they made to try to build tension throughout the movie and keep the audience on the edge of their seats. To me, if you are in the editing room looking at a proof of your movie and you recognize that it lacks tension, this isn’t something you can simply fix by adding an annoying ticking in the background. It needed to be caught way before editing. And for two, the film arguably doesn’t capture what Dunkirk even was, what it meant in the context of World War II, or the importance of the outcome – all aspects that really ought to have been addressed considering the title.
#9 “The Darkest Hour”
Grade: B (84.5%)
Who would’ve known that Winston Churchill was such an ass if it weren’t for this film? I mean, there’s all kinds of great, “inspiring” quotes that he said out there, and he’s considered the most important Brit to have ever lived. Simply put, this film portrays Churchill as the Donald Trump of his time, and the sad part is that they consider him a hero for the decisions that he made. Regardless though, it’s no secret that Hollywood is by and large controlled and run by Jewish men, so by nature, movies that show Hitler or the Nazis losing in the end seem to be the gold standard for earning a ‘Best Picture’ nod. I did, ultimately, find the film to be decent, but as soon as the credits rolled, my wife and I looked at each other and both said in unison: “Why is that up for Best Picture?” To sum it up quite simply, it’s a lot of Gary Oldman (playing Churchill) screaming and yelling.
#8 “Only the Brave”
Grade: B (85%; CG)
You know, I would have never watched this movie either if it weren’t for a few people recommending it to me. I remember seeing a trailer for it in theaters and thinking: ‘Who goes and watches those kind of movies?’ Well, pie in my face, this movie was pretty darn good, and it’s about as true a story as any “based on a true story” film can be. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I’ll just say that it’s about a crew of hotshot firefighters down in Arizona. Great acting performances in it, some relatable themes for all, and it leaves you really thinking about life and purpose.
#7 “The Post”
Grade: B (85.5%; CG)
Another ‘Best Picture’ nominee that by and large left me disappointed. Now, making my B-list is good, but I expect ‘Best Picture’ candidates to be on my A-list. Especially when they have Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep in them. When the Oscar nominations first came out, I read that it was one of the biggest snubs that Tom Hanks wasn’t nominated for ‘Best Actor’, but then I saw the movie, and you know what? As ridiculous as some of the nominations were, the Academy got it right by leaving Hanks off the docket. Streep was nominated for ‘Best Actress’, but that’s all political as she’s a Hollywood darling; her performance was also uninspiring. The film itself was okay, but it really does itself a disservice by being a ‘Best Picture’ nominee; because of this, the audience’s expectations are way too high, and it’s impossible for it to live up to such standards.
#6 “Lady Bird”
Grade: B+ (89%; CG)
This film is fringe ‘Best Picture’ material. It does have the nomination, and as well written, well acted, well filmed, and well thought out that it was, the themes of finding one’s self-identity and purpose in the world are really targeted at the teenage and young adult audience member. For those in that demographic who grapple with finding their identity and purpose, this would easily be an A+ experience. For those outside of that demographic or who have a solid sense of identity and purpose in life, it’s a good, solid film that will make you reminisce a bit about your past and the way you may or may not have treated others.
#5 “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
Grade: A- (90%; CG)
This film is definitely deserving of the ‘Best Picture’ nomination it received. Some have criticized the open-endedness of film, calling it “sloppy” storytelling with no resolution, but honestly, the meaning of the film is in its subtleness, and that’s extremely difficult to pull off. It’s brilliant writing in my opinion. Though I must admit, much like “The Hurt Locker”, it’s a movie that was really really good, but I certainly don’t care to ever watch it again. That may sound really strange, but it’s a horribly depressing movie. Excellent though. Worth a watch, but only one.
#4 “The Shape of Water”
Grade: A- (91%; CG)
One of my hardcore movie buddies called this film “Oscar-bait”, and he’s right. It’s up for ‘Best Picture’ (and should probably win it in my opinion, given the candidates anyway) as well as a slew of other categories, which it will probably take. And don’t get me wrong, it’s charming, it’s visually stunning to look at, it’s got a great score, the acting is superb, and the special effects are not over the top (which is how they should be used). It’s a throwback to the cliché, fairytale-esque 1950’s that we grew accustom to in films like “Edward Scissorhands” and “Big Fish”. It’s a really good movie, but what makes me sad is that it could have easily been an A+, all-time classic if the writing was better. Instead of Sally Hawkins’ character being able to indulge in a romantic relationship with “The Asset”, I think the film would have been much more powerful if their “differences” made such a relationship impossible even though they both yearn for it. Leave it up to the audience’s imagination with how the movie ends. It would have represented a true fairytale much better that way as well.
#3 “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power”
Grade: A- (92%; CG)
I’ve not seen the nominees for ‘Best Documentary Feature’ to be fair, but the fact that this film was left out of the nominations is a travesty. When the first one came out (“An Inconvenient Truth”) ten years ago, many criticized the science and statistics that Al Gore used to suggest that global warming was, in fact, real. This documentary takes all of the same studies and measures presented in “An Inconvenient Truth” and shows you what they look like ten years later. And the results are staggering. You want a film that is an eye-opener, you won’t be disappointed with this.
#2 “Blade Runner 2049”
Grade: A- (92.5%; CG&F)
If you look back in my blog posts, you’ll find an entry about the top 10 movie sequels NOT to look forward to, and this was in there. Well, pie in my face again. This is one of the most visually-stunning films I’ve seen in a long time (probably back to when “Avatar” was released). Ryan Gosling (who I generally am not impressed with) was on-point and surprisingly perfect for the role he was given, and Harrison Ford reprises the role of Rick Deckard in fantastic fashion. Many critics agreed that the film was outstanding, but it absolutely bombed in the box office because of it’s close to 3 hour runtime. That’s unfortunate, really, because if a movie is excellent from start to finish, I don’t care if it’s 10 hours long, I’ll watch it and eat it up. This is filmmaking at its finest, and I’ve never been so happy to be wrong about a movie in my life. Definitely worth watching.
#1 “The Greatest Showman”
Grade: A+ (97%; CG&F)
Hands-down, this is an all-time classic. The Academy of Motion Pictures allegedly (and intentionally) left this film out of the Academy Awards because it didn’t want to reward or recognize something that glorified P.T. Barnum (whom Hugh Jackman plays). Apparently the real-life Barnum was a pretty horrible human being who unabashedly abused women both physically and sexually (none of that is represented or even hinted at in the movie), and as many of you may know, Hollywood is ablaze with sexual harassment scandals right now, so I get the intentional snub from the Oscars. This walk down history-lane, however, shouldn’t take away from the fact that it is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. My wife and I walked out of the theater on Cloud 9. She looked at me and said: “I’ve never felt this way after watching a movie before. I feel so happy and just…full of energy!” I looked back at her and said: “Now that’s what the movies are all about.” Ten years ago, heck five years ago before we lived in such a politically-correct and hyper-sensitive world, there would be no reason to watch the Academy Awards on Sunday. “The Greatest Showman” would sweep the field.
So there you have it folks! For what it’s worth, here’s where MD’s major awards would go to:
MD’s “Best Picture”: “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Actor”: Hugh Jackman in “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Actress”: Frances McDormand in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
MD’s “Best Visual Effects”: “Blade Runner 2049”
MD’s “Best Score”: John Williams for “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”
MD’s “Best Costume Design”: “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Make-up and Hair”: “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Original Song”: Anything from “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Sound Mixing & Editing”: “Blade Runner 2049”
MD’s “Best Film Editing”: “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Cinematography”: “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Screenplay”: “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
MD’s “Best Director”: Michael Gracey for “The Greatest Showman”
MD’s “Best Supporting Actress”: Laurie Metcalf in “Lady Bird”
MD’s “Best Supporting Actor”: Woody Harrelson in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”